Days..

(Our Morning visitor)

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Days go by very very very fast. I am still not doing much. ( Besides of eating)..
I can't apologize for what I said my previous post. I would be lying to myself. I know , People are now afraid to TELL me things, or approach me. Sorry-life sucks, My feelings suck and I am not going to just stand and smile. I have a voice, and I want to use it..

, and if you don't know what to say YOU DON't have to say anything. Smile, is fine, turning your head away from us is fine.. WHatever works for you :)

Few days ago I had very hard time with Reginas notebooks, papers with her writing on it, her school papers.. I SAVED cases full of her things, because she wanted me to do so. I just could not hold on to those things . One reason why I kept them and did not throw away without her knowledge, I was hoping she would grow up one day and show proudly to her kids what she did in school, how neatly she can write and color and draw.... But..
Anyway, I asked Gabriel what he thinks about us burning Reginas papers , so she can have them "up " with her. .. Gabriel LOVED my idea and he also now draws REgina pictures and we burn them once a day in our fireplace...
We still have LONG way to go. LOONG way.. I save some of her drawings and cut out her HEARTS( she drew hearts to every where), and clue them to scrapbook. :)

(Reginas latest favorite pair or shoes, also covered in hearts)

Now, Phrases that don't help.
It was God's will
(first find out what the survivors religious belief is)

Be thankful you have another child
( this lessens the importance of the child who died)

I know how you feel
(none of us knows exactly how someone else feels)

Time will heal
( time alone does not heal, though it helps. People need time as well as the grief process)

There must have been a reason
( perhaps not, life is not always fair or reasonable)


PHRASES THAT DO HELP.
("Door Openers"

This must be very painful for you
(then the griever feels free to describe the pain)

You must have been very close to her
(the survivor can then talk about the relationship)

I have no Idea what it must be like for you; I've never had a child die. Can you tell me what it's like

It must be hard to accept

I really miss Regina. She was a special person. But that can't compare to how much you must miss her. Tell me what it's like
( then listen).

These are just few outtakes from Care letter ( guiding me through life's passages( O'Connor Mortuary ). And for my surprise 4 page "letter", was first letter that I was like OMG, THIS IS HOW I FEEL, AND IF this was perfect world, people would understand everything.:)


It is just me and Gabriel till thanksgiving:) Hopefully I will find enought things to do with him ( BOY THINGS). IT is all new to me.. JUST BOY things.... Little different....

Gabriel Misses Regina to pieces. Most of our conversations include Regina. He also asks WHEN will he see REgina again,and IF he gets old and dies, HOW can he find REgina. :(
I just told him to think about Doves... ( dove release ). And then he would say.. BUT daddy and you die first and get to see REgina first, and that is not fair. :(:(:(:(:(
(()))