Days...

Every day is different.I had  couple of very emotional days, and couple of very happy days..

I want to start out thanking those who sent us money instead of flowers, :)   Money helped us cover Reginas funeral cost completely and we even paid off some medical  bills. THANK YOU :):):):):)

Now my emotions are just weird. Couple of days ago I got a card for Regina... VERY LATE BIRTHDAY CARD... AHHHH I could not even finish Reading it. It was sent on time, but  most likely it got lost in mail somewhere, and got delivered month late.. :(

I cry every night , sometimes during the day, but mostly before bedtime.. I am great sleeper and have no problem falling asleep right away.  Moments before falling asleep are very hard for me. I used to hold Reginas hand.. and she would always give me couple of squeezes..` I miss those squeezes..

 IF you ask me to do same thing with Gabriel, then -- I AM TELLING you, it will not work. I tried... Gabriel will pull his hand away and mumble something like. lkdj a;sierowie htofha .. Whatever that means..   lol

I also got Reginas  Funeral DVD done by Earl Their website is http://corelann.com/  I strongly recommend them.

.  AHHH. I watched it last night..  They did such an amazing job capturing details during the service, and music, and slideshow..   Just beautiful.

Gabriel is still missing Regina very much. There are days he does not want to do his homework, and argues with me for  an hour or so, and then he could read book couple of times, but seems like his mind is somewhere else. Same with Math.  We constantly talk about Regina and tell him that is ok to miss her and feel sad and cry, and talk about her whenever you want. And he says OK :)

Nick has been travelling for business  and will be back before  few days before Thanksgiving.    I don't know If I want to make Traditional thanksgiving Dinner this year. We have been invited to friends house to Celebrate it with them, so most likely we will do so.. I know NICK will make me cook my Famous turkey to him :) And I will . But not on Thanksgiving day...

Now that REgina is gone I have lot of time in my hands.. RIGHT?? But it does not mean that  I am ready to do something big.  I am not ready to go back to school, I am NOT ready to find a job in "McDonalds"   When TIme is right I will do it, but right now time is not right.

I am not Ready to START A non profit organization. YOu have no idea how many emails I got with suggestions that MAYBE I should do it, . THere are so many great organizations out there that I keep close to my heart, and I rather give them money   than start another  foundation that Promises something...  and then money goes to "bying a  company car", or renting an OFFICE somewhere in residential area. etc...   

Anyway, Yes, I am still bitter at times  but I am getting better.  I will always miss Regina and wherever I go I see her footprints... 

(((HUGS)))