Monday, October 5

Days..

(Our Morning visitor)
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Days go by very very very fast. I am still not doing much. ( Besides of eating)..
I can't apologize for what I said my previous post. I would be lying to myself. I know , People are now afraid to TELL me things, or approach me. Sorry-life sucks, My feelings suck and I am not going to just stand and smile. I have a voice, and I want to use it..

, and if you don't know what to say YOU DON't have to say anything. Smile, is fine, turning your head away from us is fine.. WHatever works for you :)

Few days ago I had very hard time with Reginas notebooks, papers with her writing on it, her school papers.. I SAVED cases full of her things, because she wanted me to do so. I just could not hold on to those things . One reason why I kept them and did not throw away without her knowledge, I was hoping she would grow up one day and show proudly to her kids what she did in school, how neatly she can write and color and draw.... But..
Anyway, I asked Gabriel what he thinks about us burning Reginas papers , so she can have them "up " with her. .. Gabriel LOVED my idea and he also now draws REgina pictures and we burn them once a day in our fireplace...
We still have LONG way to go. LOONG way.. I save some of her drawings and cut out her HEARTS( she drew hearts to every where), and clue them to scrapbook. :)
(Reginas latest favorite pair or shoes, also covered in hearts)

Now, Phrases that don't help.
It was God's will
(first find out what the survivors religious belief is)

Be thankful you have another child
( this lessens the importance of the child who died)

I know how you feel
(none of us knows exactly how someone else feels)

Time will heal
( time alone does not heal, though it helps. People need time as well as the grief process)

There must have been a reason
( perhaps not, life is not always fair or reasonable)


PHRASES THAT DO HELP.

("Door Openers"

This must be very painful for you
(then the griever feels free to describe the pain)

You must have been very close to her
(the survivor can then talk about the relationship)

I have no Idea what it must be like for you; I've never had a child die. Can you tell me what it's like

It must be hard to accept

I really miss Regina. She was a special person. But that can't compare to how much you must miss her. Tell me what it's like
( then listen).

Th
ese are just few outtakes from Care letter ( guiding me through life's passages( O'Connor Mortuary ). And for my surprise 4 page "letter", was first letter that I was like OMG, THIS IS HOW I FEEL, AND IF this was perfect world, people would understand everything.:)


It is just me and Gabriel till thanksgiving:) Hopefully I will find enought things to do with him ( BOY THINGS). IT is all new to me.. JUST BOY things.... Little different....

Gabriel Misses Regina to pieces. Most of our conversations include Regina. He also asks WHEN will he see REgina again,and IF he gets old and dies, HOW can he find REgina. :(
I just told him to think about Doves... ( dove release ). And then he would say.. BUT daddy and you die first and get to see REgina first, and that is not fair. :(:(:(:(:(
(()))


24 comments:

Kathy said...

Gabe was SOOO adorable outside after Regina's services, talking all about Regina, and the balloons and writing his name.

He's a really resilient kid and in the long run I think he'll do well (I pray I'm right about that).

I love my boys. I always wanted a girl but I'm not at all disappointed it's boys, I wouldn't trade them for anything.

Keep writing, purging is good for the soul :-)

KMGheno said...

Hi Diana,

"Boy" things, although in my own experience a bit odd (boisterous, loud, dirty, direct), can be fun... here is to hoping you "guys" enjoy.

Even I (blog follower and persistent (yet mostly silent) Diana cheerleader, miss Regina. And I know our own Mr. B would miss G-, not sure where you find the words to explain your family's loss, however it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job with Gabriel.

As always, big juju being sent your way.

Joanna said...

I hope you and Gabe find something you both enjoy doing together. His words touched my heart today.

Deborah Estelle said...

Thank you so much, again, for opening yourself up so we can share in a part of your life.

Thank you for posting things that DON'T help! Things for me to keep in mind. As well as things that DO!

God bless you!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Checking in today to see how you are doing, Diana! I absolutely support all you have said...it is your journey. end of story. period. i do think MOST people are trying to be supportive (i know you know that)...but who can possibly even think that saying "it is God's will" or that "you have another child" will make it just fine. You would have to be missing some brain cells to say that!
I know you carry Regina with you each and every moment and, of course, it is painful. Knowing you might lose her over the last couple years is nothing compared to the actual reality of it! Damn...wish there was something we could do. Being here is the best I know of. I was soooo very touched by Regina--her personality (which I read about only, of course), her beauty (which I saw on line and at your house) and her spirit and smile...what a little love.
I am so very sorrry, Diana. Take care.

Shelley said...

oops that was me, Shelley, above! Did not mean to be "anonymous!"

Rach said...

Sorry, I was one of those who was posting prayers on your blog. I didnt realize you didnt believe in God.

Sleeping Beauty said...

:) it's ok to pray . I pray all the time, but my way:)

lifeasme said...

Hiya
I hope you dont mind me commenting, I have just read about your beautiful daughter and while I dont have any useful words, I would just like to say that I am so very sorry for Regina's sweet life cut so short. She looks like a gorgeous little girl and was so very brave.
Regina is a very blessed girl for having such a wonderful family....as you are to have Regina.
I wish the best for you and your family in the future.

Debs

nodsu said...

I was just thinking- do you take photos of her pictures/notes, before burning them? - maybe you do it already, maybe you`d like to look at them in the future/print for scraping/publish in the book... that way you`d get both- keeping them in a way and sending them to her too :)

hugs,

Anonymous said...

Hello Diana,

Thanks for all the DOs and DONT. I will keep in mind and next time I will know what to say, but not just give a hug and keep my mouth shut.

I've always hoped for girls, but I have two boys. My dream was to go shopping with my girl. Now I so enjoyed playing with two boys and I will not trade anything for them. There are many things you could do with them, sports, sports, more sports..... Haha

_Cherie

Sleeping Beauty said...

:) Nodsu:) Yes I cut out really cute Reginas drawings and clued them to scrapbook pages. I have SO MANY MORE> TRUST ME , I am not lying at least 5 more huge boxes of PAPERS :) VERY VALUABLE PAPERS.

Cherie.. Um. Yes, sports sounds great. SOccer and swimming. BUT NO BASEBALL OF FooTBALL. NONONO.

The ParTea Planner said...

Diana,
Thanks for the Do's & Don'ts, that is very helpful. I usually always say something that may not be the most beneficial, because I am usually clueless and at a loss for words.

My two boys are really mostly into their video games right now. But we have enjoyed things like LegoLand, Chuck E. Cheese, Wild Rivers/beach/pool (obviously in the summer), skateboard park, bowling, Cub Scouts is great for activiites to do with him as most of it is mom & son stuff to earn badges, they love going to Scooter's Jungle in AV on the "family nights" (hey - maybe we could meet there one night), play Go Fish cards, you get the idea.....

I'd love for you to come down and visit me, and Gabe & Ryan can play video games or play outside with the other boys on the street and we can drink coffee...or something else...

Risa

The ParTea Planner said...

Oh, can you post your recipe for those really yummy, Regina's favorite, cinnamon rolls?

Thank you!
Risa

Katie Dunn said...

Thanks for sharing your feelings with us Diana, and your life, and beautiful Regina and Gabe!!

Katie

Leah said...

Keep writing. It helps. It's healing. I miss Regina so I simply cannot imagine your pain and how much you miss her. It hits me and I run and grab my girls and just hug and kiss them. It seems so unfair. I wish I had words of solace that would help but I do care and I do pray and I hope that is something. My life is forever changed by Regina. She made me a better mom - she taught me to remember life was too short and to not get bogged down by what's not important and to be with my babies and love my babies and let the rest go.

Katrina said...

Hi, Diana,

It just hit me this morning as I read your blog and looked at the photo you included, that you have an awesome gift for photography. (I know, I know, everyone else is now saying, "Duh!!" Well, sometimes I'm a little slow on the uptake!) Please keep taking those beautiful images. I don't know you well enough to know whether or not you are a "trained" photographer, but in any case, your images are truly works of art. They are another expression of your beauty and an outlet for your creativity. And maybe you see Regina's beauty in the beauty of nature around you.

Have fun doing the boy stuff. I had only girls, so I can't even imagine boy life! :-) I did do daycare a long time ago and had boys in my life and home part time for a few years. Vive la difference, as they say!

Much love,
Katrina

Doodlebugsmom said...

We just want to continue to offer up our thoughts and prayers to your entire family...
The Bucker Family
Andrea,Dan and Brock Bucker

Silja said...

Hei Diana, palun saada mulle ka neid imeilusaid kaneelisaiu...oi milline kaneelisaia ilus tuli praegu. Saadan sulle läbi arvuti kõva kallistuse. Mõtetes teiega. Silja (Maarika tuttav)

Anonymous said...

Diana..........i have both. Boy and girl......things are much different with boys as you know. Get ready for some real fun stuff....lol down and dirty. LOL Boys are just a little different from girls...just a little ;0) You are doing great my friend. Head up and just do and say what you feel at that moment. YOU are the ONLY one that knows how this can feel.
BIG HUGS Sandra

Anonymous said...

Hi Diana and Gabriel,
We miss Regina at LNES too! She had such a beautiful smile. The celebration of her life was lovely, just like Regina. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you know that many people are thinking about you and sending their love to you.
Linda Cardwell

Susan said...

Thanks so much Diane for sharing this with us.

It really helps.

I think doing a scrapbook would be wonderful. Have you made one before?

What a way to honor a princess.

I will forever remember Regina.

Although I didn't have the honor of knowing her "in person", I felt like I knew her well from you.

She was such a special child.

Thank you for sharing her with us all.

Keep holding on♥

Sleeping Beauty said...

Hi Susan:) I have made about 20 scrapbooks.. Right now I am 3 years behind :( UPS...But I will catch up one day.. One day. :)

And I don't hate anyone. Ijust hate how sometimes simple heartfelt words make me feel. It is hard to explain but this is how I feel :)

Gari-Ann said...

I never know what to say, so I just try to tell you that I'm thinking about y'all and love y'all to pieces. :)

Everyone grieves differently. Do it the way that is best/easiest/most comforting for you. After all, that's all you can do.

I love that you told Gabriel to think of the doves. That puts such a sweet picture in my mind, because I remember the picture you posted of him releasing the first one.

Gari-Ann in Texas