tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-72904512024-03-14T00:51:14.829-07:00Life As It IsRegina Melody Tan<br>
Forever in Our Hearts<br>
09/19/1999-09/20/2009<br> Cancer Sucks!!!Queen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.comBlogger1203125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-76377532274493242512016-04-02T02:31:00.001-07:002016-04-02T02:31:14.062-07:00Please follow Karma CafeHi you all. Please go and follow my other blog. I am posting all updates there:) Check out this post, and please share this information with all your friends. World is scare place these days. There are problems everywhere. Please read and respond. Or send these links to hands you think will be able to help<br />
<a href="http://dontmesswithdiana.blogspot.com/2016/04/girl-child-africa.html">http://dontmesswithdiana.blogspot.com/2016/04/girl-child-africa.html</a><br />
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Thank you so much.<br />
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All the Best,<br />DianaQueen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-52701398365531902882016-03-25T08:29:00.002-07:002016-03-25T08:29:45.953-07:00REminder...http://dontmesswithdiana.blogspot.com/<br />
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I am trying to pull myself togetha and start blogging again... Literally lost my mojo for years..... :)<br />
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so sorry friends...<br />
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Lady D.Queen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-89524792962400513382014-10-29T21:49:00.004-07:002014-10-29T21:49:57.434-07:00New blog....I started new blog, it is time for me to start writing again..... Hopefully I can keep up with it.....<br />
<a href="http://dontmesswithdiana.blogspot.ca/">http://dontmesswithdiana.blogspot.ca</a>Queen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-59898046030667698612013-09-19T06:23:00.002-07:002013-09-19T06:23:36.580-07:0014<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-i__Q7_4Jycs/Ujr6aWZdFvI/AAAAAAAA4F8/eOVptuQBuFw/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-09-19+at+8.57.25+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-i__Q7_4Jycs/Ujr6aWZdFvI/AAAAAAAA4F8/eOVptuQBuFw/s320/Screen+Shot+2013-09-19+at+8.57.25+AM.png" width="216" /></a></div>
14 years ago , on september 19th, 1999, after 24 hours of intense labor ,4.07 AM I gave birth to my 7 lb Daughter Regina Melody. I thought we all would live happily ever after. Little did I know that almost 5 years later our lives would change forever. I had to grow up overnight and take charge. She fought hard for almost 6 years and not once , NOT ONCE she complained that she did not want to do it anymore... Even few days before her passing she told me , she does not want to die. And I would never forget those words. I was screaming inside, but instead I told her. It is ok. I love you. I will always love you. It is ok to let go...<br />
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I miss her . Time has not heeled any wounds, I have just learned to live with it. I have learned to live without her but I remember ...<br />
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Today would be her 14th birthday, but for us she is forever 10, forever happy, forever free...<br />
<br />
I miss you Regina Melody. You changed my life...<br />
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Forever in my heart.Queen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-87857324073812241262013-03-16T06:33:00.001-07:002013-03-16T06:33:07.256-07:00I miss her so much it hurts...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-q81HWqSzCwI/UUR0eE6bQvI/AAAAAAAA36A/b5D4wIkrtco/s1600/Picture+039.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-q81HWqSzCwI/UUR0eE6bQvI/AAAAAAAA36A/b5D4wIkrtco/s320/Picture+039.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
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I have been thinking about Regina every day. Some days more other days less, but there has not been a day I haven't thought about her. For me , she always will be Care bear, Barbie and Webkins girl. She would always bake cupcakes and fix me interesting meals made of whatever she found in refrigerator . She would always wear pink outfits that are oddly styled, but she did it herself, and I never questioned her why she would wear such weird outfit. She had her style and it is hard to match. She was unique and I loved it about her. She did not care what people thought about her funky style and it did not bother her if someone mentioned maybe she should wear something else.<br />
I miss her. And I am scared. I am starting to forget how her hugs felt like. I am starting to forget her scent or how her skin used to feel like how she held my hand.<br />
I miss baking with her and I miss her cute smile and uplifting giggle. And I want Gabriel to have his best buddy and playmate back... But it is never going to happen and all we have left are amazing memories of her . She will never be forgotten She will always be loved.<br />
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Hug your loved ones tight tonight...<br />
Rest in peace Baby girl.<br />
Your mommy , daddy and brother send you some angel kisses wherever you are....<br />
<br />
<br />Queen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-91095946498732493592013-03-06T16:06:00.001-08:002013-03-06T16:06:07.121-08:00Desperate housewives of Hangzhou<div style="padding: 0; overflow: hidden; margin: 0; width: 500px;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/8530902404/in/set-72157632920951450/" title="Beth and Kirin" style="display: block; padding: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 75px; height: 75px; float: left;"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8388/8530902404_ec37002c19_s.jpg" alt="Beth and Kirin" style="border:none; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 75px; height: 75px;"/></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/8530875302/in/set-72157632920951450/" title="IMG_7234" style="display: block; padding: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 75px; height: 75px; float: left;"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8103/8530875302_d7be9a1774_s.jpg" alt="IMG_7234" style="border:none; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 75px; height: 75px;"/></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/8530875564/in/set-72157632920951450/" title="Mafalda" style="display: block; padding: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 75px; height: 75px; float: left;"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8229/8530875564_a6083d27fa_s.jpg" alt="Mafalda" style="border:none; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 75px; height: 75px;"/></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/8530876632/in/set-72157632920951450/" title="Cecilia" style="display: block; padding: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 75px; height: 75px; float: left;"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8244/8530876632_d9742d7638_s.jpg" alt="Cecilia" style="border:none; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 75px; height: 75px;"/></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/8529764951/in/set-72157632920951450/" title="Cecilia" style="display: block; padding: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 75px; height: 75px; float: left;"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8232/8529764951_a9bbb6ebca_s.jpg" alt="Cecilia" style="border:none; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 75px; height: 75px;"/></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/8529766727/in/set-72157632920951450/" title="Marina" style="display: block; padding: 0 0 10px 0; width: 75px; height: 75px; float: left;"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8094/8529766727_e07e9cc95b_s.jpg" alt="Marina" style="border:none; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 75px; height: 75px;"/></a><br clear="all"/><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/8529767309/in/set-72157632920951450/" title="Marina" style="display: block; padding: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 75px; height: 75px; float: left;"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8387/8529767309_4358511387_s.jpg" alt="Marina" style="border:none; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 75px; height: 75px;"/></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/8529769135/in/set-72157632920951450/" title="Marina" style="display: block; padding: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 75px; height: 75px; float: left;"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8505/8529769135_ff5b36375b_s.jpg" alt="Marina" style="border:none; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 75px; height: 75px;"/></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/8529769545/in/set-72157632920951450/" title="IMG_7223" style="display: block; padding: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 75px; height: 75px; float: left;"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8109/8529769545_7b92820d91_s.jpg" alt="IMG_7223" style="border:none; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 75px; height: 75px;"/></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/8530882314/in/set-72157632920951450/" title="Beautiful Marina" style="display: block; padding: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 75px; height: 75px; float: left;"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8522/8530882314_b56426b3b2_s.jpg" alt="Beautiful Marina" style="border:none; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 75px; height: 75px;"/></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/8530882482/in/set-72157632920951450/" title="IMG_7221" style="display: block; padding: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 75px; height: 75px; float: left;"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8107/8530882482_a4e496eb7c_s.jpg" alt="IMG_7221" style="border:none; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 75px; height: 75px;"/></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/8529770415/in/set-72157632920951450/" title="Beautiful Cecilia" style="display: block; padding: 0 0 10px 0; width: 75px; height: 75px; float: left;"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8095/8529770415_fae49cf1ab_s.jpg" alt="Beautiful Cecilia" style="border:none; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 75px; height: 75px;"/></a><br clear="all"/><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/8529771511/in/set-72157632920951450/" title="IMG_7219" style="display: block; padding: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 75px; height: 75px; float: left;"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8106/8529771511_220fb10ba6_s.jpg" alt="IMG_7219" style="border:none; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 75px; height: 75px;"/></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/8530884316/in/set-72157632920951450/" title="Marina, Cecilia and Mafalda" style="display: block; padding: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 75px; height: 75px; float: left;"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8249/8530884316_5997a84423_s.jpg" alt="Marina, Cecilia and Mafalda" style="border:none; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 75px; height: 75px;"/></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/8529772029/in/set-72157632920951450/" title="Marina , Cecilia and Mafalda" style="display: block; padding: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 75px; height: 75px; float: left;"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8095/8529772029_2a83d599a1_s.jpg" alt="Marina , Cecilia and Mafalda" style="border:none; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 75px; height: 75px;"/></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/8530884846/in/set-72157632920951450/" title="Beautiful Marina, Cecilia and mafalda" style="display: block; padding: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 75px; height: 75px; float: left;"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8235/8530884846_bec72ea73f_s.jpg" alt="Beautiful Marina, Cecilia and mafalda" style="border:none; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 75px; height: 75px;"/></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/8529773433/in/set-72157632920951450/" title="Amy trying to do "Dianas" face... Keep on practicing" style="display: block; padding: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 75px; height: 75px; float: left;"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8101/8529773433_4b6eaf5826_s.jpg" alt="Amy trying to do "Dianas" face... Keep on practicing" style="border:none; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 75px; height: 75px;"/></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/8530887270/in/set-72157632920951450/" title="With Amy" style="display: block; padding: 0 0 10px 0; width: 75px; height: 75px; float: left;"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8241/8530887270_ce620a99ea_s.jpg" alt="With Amy" style="border:none; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 75px; height: 75px;"/></a><br clear="all"/><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/8530887430/in/set-72157632920951450/" title="Me and my Canadian goddess Amy" style="display: block; padding: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 75px; height: 75px; float: left;"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8509/8530887430_256d658b1e_s.jpg" alt="Me and my Canadian goddess Amy" style="border:none; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 75px; height: 75px;"/></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/8530888310/in/set-72157632920951450/" title="IMG_7209" style="display: block; padding: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 75px; height: 75px; float: left;"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8093/8530888310_32e9caea76_s.jpg" alt="IMG_7209" style="border:none; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 75px; height: 75px;"/></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/8529775927/in/set-72157632920951450/" title="Not sure ... She most likely had some bad Italian food..." style="display: block; padding: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 75px; height: 75px; float: left;"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8511/8529775927_d5dac807fb_s.jpg" alt="Not sure ... She most likely had some bad Italian food..." style="border:none; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 75px; height: 75px;"/></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/8529776129/in/set-72157632920951450/" title="Beauties in Hangzhou" style="display: block; padding: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 75px; height: 75px; float: left;"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8232/8529776129_77548993fa_s.jpg" alt="Beauties in Hangzhou" style="border:none; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 75px; height: 75px;"/></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/8529777699/in/set-72157632920951450/" title="IMG_7203" style="display: block; padding: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 75px; height: 75px; float: left;"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8110/8529777699_c58b438e0f_s.jpg" alt="IMG_7203" style="border:none; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 75px; height: 75px;"/></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/8529778769/in/set-72157632920951450/" title="Amy, the Glamorous one." style="display: block; padding: 0 0 10px 0; width: 75px; height: 75px; float: left;"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8227/8529778769_e637a832d7_s.jpg" alt="Amy, the Glamorous one." style="border:none; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 75px; height: 75px;"/></a><br clear="all"/></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 5px"><p><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch/sets/72157632920951450/">Mar 5, 2013</a>, a set on Flickr.</p></div><p>PAFA's ( parents and friends association of HIS), organized fun lunch for us. It was called Desperate housewives of Hangzhou... We all are pretty desperate to get out of China lol, but this lunch gave us all to dress up a little more than usual and win some prizes. I also won ;) </p>Queen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-89127557275135387982013-02-26T04:23:00.003-08:002013-02-26T04:23:08.308-08:00Photo Book<object width="425" height="425" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab" classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000"><param name="movie" value="http://images-community.shutterfly.com/flashapps/flashslideshowphotobook/slideshow_pb.swf"/><param name="flashvars" value="xmlURL=http%3A%2F%2Fws.shutterfly.com%2Fpsdata%3FprojectGUID%3D8ActWTNq4ZuHdw%26uid%3D000083853259%26size%3D0%26ts%3D1361881137000%26height%3D425%26width%3D425&size=0&ob=0&fc=0&ss=0&sb=0&ft=0"/><param name="menu" value="false"/><param name="quality" value="best"/><param name="wmode" value="transparent"/><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"/><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"/><embed width="425" height="425" align="middle" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" name="wrapper" quality="best" menu="false" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" flashvars="xmlURL=http%3A%2F%2Fws.shutterfly.com%2Fpsdata%3FprojectGUID%3D8ActWTNq4ZuHdw%26uid%3D000083853259%26size%3D0%26ts%3D1361881137000%26height%3D425%26width%3D425&size=0&ob=0&fc=0&ss=0&sb=0&ft=0" src="http://images-community.shutterfly.com/flashapps/flashslideshowphotobook/slideshow_pb.swf"></embed></object><p style="width:425px;margin-top:0;text-align:center;"><a href="http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8ActWTNq4ZuGPs&cid=SFLYOCWIDGET&eid=115">Click here to view this photo book larger</a><div style="margin-top: 10px; width: 425px; text-align: center;">You'll love <a href="http://www.shutterfly.com/photo-books" style="color: #6666cc;">Shutterfly</a>s award-winning photo books. Try it today.</div><img width="1" height="1" border="0" style="padding: 0; background: #ffffff; border: none; box-shadow: none;" src="https://os.shutterfly.com/b/ss/sflyshareprod/1/H.15/111?pageName=sharekey&c1=photobook&c2=blogger" /></p>Queen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-70537719335382482922012-10-30T02:34:00.001-07:002012-10-30T02:34:54.987-07:00 Checking in...We are still living in China. In Hangzhou. I think I have lost my mind and I am slowly going crazy in here. 2 1/2 years in this place can do that to a person.<br />
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Tomorrow is Halloween. Not my favorite holiday if you ask me. Not anymore :( IT USED TO BE.<br />
We had so much fun with Regina and Gabriel doing all sorts of Halloween activities- Pumpkin patch, fairs, dressing up, buying outfits, cupcake baking, Disneyland. Every little cute witch Reminds me of Regina . Gabriel now has "grown up" and does not care much for stuff. ANd we don't have pumpkin patches here, or farms, or halloween parties..<br />
I have been experiencing lot of tears and sadness over past couple of days, and nothing helps me get better. :(<br />
I miss my Halloween partner in crime:)<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-j7k8i7h_Nws/TWj7S5V73fI/AAAAAAAAvv0/ZKZWUhiXyUI/s1600/Picture+117.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-j7k8i7h_Nws/TWj7S5V73fI/AAAAAAAAvv0/ZKZWUhiXyUI/s320/Picture+117.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
R.I.P Princess Regina xoxo<br />
<br />
Love Mom.Queen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-12530836246173613802012-09-23T07:02:00.002-07:002012-09-23T07:02:46.495-07:0009/19/1999-09/20/2009<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZEufbbzz5hU/UF8WVH9U5tI/AAAAAAAA324/TpbIMUgwh0o/s1600/regina+kinkidega.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZEufbbzz5hU/UF8WVH9U5tI/AAAAAAAA324/TpbIMUgwh0o/s320/regina+kinkidega.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
I know you all expected some sort of post from me. You had every right to do so. After all , it was Reginas Birthday and day later the day she earned her beautiful angel wings and halo.<br />
<br />
I opened this blog many times but I did not have right words to write down. Everything was just stuck within me. As much as I wanted to push out my thoughts and feelings, I could not . <br />
I actually felt during those 2 days , that I was "helped" . THe whole week was just very hard for me. I tried to keep myself as busy as possible, watching every crime drama there was, so my thoughts would not wonder to that day.. the day she passed.<br />
<br />
I was doing great .. I really was. But the closer to her birthday , the more pain I started experiencing. TO the point I just could not handle anything negative. I just cried... I want to forget the day she passed away. I actually want to forget the time when I first knew that She will not make it till the day she passed away. Because I would never want anyone to see me like that. I would not want anyone to experience the pain I ( we ) all went through. And seeing your love one dying and not being able to do anything at all to save her... Just comfort. And not knowing if I am doing it right. I think , that sometimes I feel her pain, because I think she want's me to feel it. And I know one day I will be there and experiencing whatever she went through...<br />
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I miss her every day. I miss her hugs, her smile, giggles, toys, moodiness, silliness, her thrive to survive.<br />
And I can't stand that I was not able to make one of her biggest wishes come through... Her wish to live...<br />
<br />
RIP Princess Regina.. xoxoxo.. One day....<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Queen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-54527897827073310492012-05-24T07:33:00.000-07:002012-05-24T07:33:47.466-07:00Thank you all ( you know who) for your well wishes and emails and comments. Past year has been real struggle when it comes to my relationship with my husband. We made some progress .. AND then had some major setbacks, because I am just not willing to settle .. FORGET PAST and move on.. You can never forget, you can move on, but not just MOVE ON. It takes work, and work and more work. And opening up about the things you never want to and tears and pain and mean words and more tears until everything is out here in front of us. I admit. I am really aggressive when it comes to talking. I NEED to talk, especially when I see the other person is "hiding" something, but he's words are like this... EVERYTHING IS OK.. REALLY?? It is not, I know, I see, I feel. It is not ok. DOn't tell me you are a guy and you don't do the talking... MAYBE when you are dating girl after girls you don't really need to do the talking, but when you choose somebody to be there for you you have to, even if you don't like where talking can sometimes take you.<br />
<br />
Nick once mentioned about some sort of quote that he got on his cell about...".The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch swing with, never say a word , and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had."<br />
<br />
I agree. THis quote came after I told him I WANT him to be my best friend. I WANT him to be my best everything. BUT it can't happen before he decides he wants to be that honest BEST person to whom I sit next to and understand right away. It will happen one day, but till then we have still lot of work to do.. Maybe it never happens, but all I can say is.. I TRIED... :)<br />
<br />
Those of you don't know. We are going to Estonia this year to renew our vows. We never had any sort of party for US in Estonia. It has been always for kids... or me alone. But this time around we needed party and since we get along ( most of the time) we decided it is time to do it. We got married on december 28th, 1998 in Las Vegas, so this year we would be celebrating our 14th year wedding anniversary....we had hell of a 14 years... Regina would have turn 13 on sept 19th, Gabriel will turn 11 on june 22.<br />
<br />
I remember while ago I told someone that if someone treats me the way i have been treated I would leave right away... But it is not that simple. Actually , Easy thing is to leave.. Just turn back and you are out. Who knows what future brings. We are all grown ups, Gabriel knows what is going on.<br />
<br />
I guess we are just living life the way we supposed to. Nobody know the ending or our happily ever after :)Queen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-31602009489769769192012-05-13T06:39:00.003-07:002012-05-13T06:39:54.056-07:00Everything hurts.Life as it is is not as sweet as it should be. It is Mothers day. What is Mothers day anyway? Day when all mothers feel spoiled and spend a day with their families having fun?<br />
When Regina was alive, she was awesome :) She came up with the MOST creative ways of making me moms day breakfast, or cards. She even helped Gabriel with it.. Now ... Gabriel does not have it... Nick does not believe in holidays , or days like this. He only does it because "i believe" in them and I believe in some traditions, and now he has been throwing this to my face...<br />
<br />
This years Mothers day started out weird.. I woke Up 9... The moment Gabriel heard it he ran into room and handed me card and Coffee from starbucks. I was really happy that he did it :) I gave him hug and said thank you :)<br />
<br />
I walked into living room and there was Nick sitting behind his computer. I asked if he wants to have breakfast , he said, Gabriel and Him already had it and HE could not wait till I get up... I was still hoping at that point that It was a joke. I walked into Kitchen and Sink was full of dishes... I just cleaned up night before, because I did not want My morning to be "cleaning" morning... There were no flowers, No food, No nothing, and to be honest I was upset. I really was.....<br />
<br />
I asked Nick why he was not guiding Gabriel to do anything more special. HELP him, etc... He said.. .He is not my mother, so he really does not have to help anyone to do anything. At that point I just broke down and started crying. We had awesome time night before with friends and I could not figure out what went wrong.. It is like He had completely different personality. I did tell him that I am disappointed in him and he yelled back .. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME.????<br />
<br />
<br />
He went back to sleep and I took gabriel and we went to gym. Since I can't drive here yet, we had to take a bus. And it takes about 40 minutes to get there ( 10 km). When we got to gym HE WAS THERE.. I could not believe my eyes. I tried to work out, but in the middle of my run I started crying again and I just could not take it anymore. I told him we are leaving to have lunch .. he said. Whatever. He did not join us. I HOPED, I really did... When we got to place, it was closed... OUT OF ALL THE sundays , this sunday PLACE was closed.... :( I was unhappy, Gabriel was unhappy, but we chose something else near by and ate our food:) Chit chatting and talking about stuff like.. If dad was here, he would be making comments like -- WHY do you guys eat this shit, it is bad for you etc... And we ate , and smiled, and ate some more:)... Nick promised, that he will pick us up about 2. 30, after his meeting with "someone" is up.. He changed his mind.... He did not... We walked home... :):):): In a way it was nice walk home, Gabriel and I had a nice talk about WHAT he likes, NOt what ( nick wants him to be), and I could not believe what he trusted me... ANyway.. Gabriel is one amazing soul and I want him to grow up the BEST and most successful person ever :) He deserves it :)<br />
<br />
Nick has been throwing me hints all day long that He does not need to help Gabriel... WTF?? HOW come??/ Gabriel wants to have flowers... Flowers are 3 km away.. he wanted to buy a gift for me--- NICK HAD MONTHS to do so... Instead Nick said.. WELL, SInce you wanted to go out with your friends last night , I could not take Gabriel out to buy you a gift.... ALl I hear are excuses. <br />
<br />
I need a friend in him as well, but He can't be one because husbands are not supposed to be friends, and friends are overrated anyway...<br />
<br />
<br />
I tried to start a conversation about Regina, but I was shot down.. because in his mind, we had different relationships with her and We could not understand each other...<br />
<br />
I don't have anyone else to take about it because I feel like I am bugging everyone with my pity problems.... I chose this life, so I should be owning it....<br />
<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-amzhlj6a3wY/T6-4poz-E1I/AAAAAAAA32U/fUqKITVc64o/s1600/Picture+102.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-amzhlj6a3wY/T6-4poz-E1I/AAAAAAAA32U/fUqKITVc64o/s320/Picture+102.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
But sometimes It just gets to much and when it does...... Everything hurts.....<br />
<br />
I don't hate Nick... Far from that. I love him. I just think that Becoming CEO has completely changed him. He pretends to be good to everybody else but when he is at home, he dumps all his issues on us and does not care how we feel at times. I hope he gets better soon.<br />
<br />
I just need some hugs... Lot of them... and real ones without questions asked :)<br />
<br />
Again... I chose this life...<br />
<br />Queen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-56113744837366315462011-12-31T07:55:00.000-08:002011-12-31T07:55:22.967-08:00:D:D:D:D:D7 More minutes before 2012 kicks in...<br />
<br />
DOn't waste your life pickering over small thing, see the big picture :) You all deserve it ...<br />
<br />
kisses and hugs... or... XOXOXOXOXO<br />
<br />
<br />
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!<br />
<br />
The Tans..Queen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-48684453460183184862011-12-23T20:52:00.000-08:002011-12-23T20:52:21.365-08:00Merry Christmas/ Happy Holidays :)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_9GbKCkU8KQ/TvVXBM-7K0I/AAAAAAAA3kU/p8L501uOjN8/s1600/IMG_2165.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="142" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_9GbKCkU8KQ/TvVXBM-7K0I/AAAAAAAA3kU/p8L501uOjN8/s200/IMG_2165.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Wishing you all the best holiday season ever :) We are not doing anything special. It is 24th of December here in CHina already,and at this moment Nick is at work :) Yup:) Saturday , and he is working hard.<br />
<br />
Gabriel is lying on the floor, on a red lambskin and is playing his DS:)<br />
You can guess twice what I am doing.. Haha. Right you got it. RIght now I am typing this blog but same time I am checking my meal.<br />
<br />
We had talked that most likely we will eat dinner somewhere in Restaurant, but since Nick is working , I decided, what the heck. I am just going to make something for us :) So Tonights dinner will be Roasted Pork hock, pan roasted potatoes with lots of garlic, simple salad with mandarine vinaigrette , Pan fried salmon with white wine reduction and sauerkraut. <br />
<br />
I also scored glogg( mulled wine) from Ikea and after dinner we will be watching Home Alone2 and opening our gifts :) I know it will be great evening :)<br />
<br />
I dreamed of Regina couple of nights ago, she was just smiling at me and that was it :)<br />
Merry Christmas Angel Regina :) We miss you . Rest in Peace :)Queen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-68301616865819613262011-12-20T03:31:00.000-08:002011-12-20T03:31:50.262-08:00Happy Holidays:)<iframe width="459" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/1cjqf5UmswE?fs=1" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe><div>My Beautiful kids singing Karaoke few years ago:) Right now I look at this video and smile that I had these moments with them. I miss Regina and her spunky personality :) I know That she would be most amazing 12 year old most amazing purse collection and her own recipe book full of pictures of her favorite foods :)</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Gabriel is amazing 10 year old. He is into so much right now. he enjoys tennis, plays piano and drums. He want's to learn guitar next, since ukulele is way to easy for him . </div><div>He is also getting into singing and when he plays familiar tune on piano , he sings out loud when he thinks no one is listening to him :)</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div> I love my kids. :)</div><div><br /></div><div>I hope you all are having great holiday season. I am not so much into Christmas this years. I haven't written a single card this year. I haven't really shopped gifts, since everything is overpriced here and it makes no sense to buy 70 dollar lego, that is 35 dollars in USA. Gabriel did write to santa and he said he wants to have WARM blanket and warm pillow, since it is very cold in hangzhou ( he is right). Our apartment does not have central heating, and it gets cold in here when tiny heating boxes are not turned on... Today I walked into master bedroom and temp in there was 9C. I usually turn heat of in the room I am not in, so ... yeah.. It is cold in here. </div><div><br /></div><div>It is interesting to see how his wishes have changed. I am sure if we were in US , he would have asked for latest game, or gadget... :)</div><div><br /></div><div> Talk to you soon :) ANd enjoy this video :)</div>Queen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-88201963830836663622011-11-22T02:58:00.000-08:002011-11-22T02:58:34.392-08:00Thanksgiving<span id="goog_1483321912"></span><span id="goog_1483321913"></span>Second Thanksgiving in asia is almost here. Last year we celebrated in Beijing with Nicks friends, this year we are in Hangzhou and I feel already guilty. Why you ask? BUT because I can't invite all the people I want into our tiny apartment:( I made some great friends here and I can only invite about half of them :( I WANT TO CRY OUT LOUD:( Since we don't have double owen I am struggling to make everything come out same time :( <br />
I will be making turkey , gravy, stuffing, green beans, MY potato salad, Mashed potatoes, sweet potato pie, apple pie, some other pastries. And few not so traditional foods but "fan" favorites like kotlett, sour kraut ( because I am not sure where we are going to celebrate christmas), snitslid, 4 cheese surprise and other last minute stuff..<br />
We also ordered turkey number 2 from Eudora station( local western restaurant), because I strongly feel that one can never have to much turkey :)<br />
<br />
I also made some bread crumbs today for shnichels, ( crusted fried pork), and asked my ayi bring me some organic sweet potatoes from her family farm. .<br />
<br />
I am excited about Thanksgiving, but like I said sad. I WANT everybody to come, but I can't fit 40 kids and 2 adults in this apartment :( ..<br />
<br />
Everybody always asks what are we thankful for? This year my answer is easy. I am thankful that we have each other and willing to work on our problems . I am thankful that Gabriel is happy and healthy 5th grader and shows interest in so many things. I am thankful that he has passion and wants to be happy :) I am thankful , that we are are truly happy right now, and I have not been able to say this for a long time :)<br />
<br />
I am wishing you all happiness during this Thanksgiving season..<br />
<br />
Rest in Peace Princess Regina Melody Tan. I am thankful that I had wonderful 10 years with you , and you thought me so much about NOT GIVING UP!!! I know you are watching down on us and smiling:)<br />
<br />
<br />
PS... xoxoxox all my friends near and far. I am thinking of you constantly . I just haven't figured out a great way to keep contact with yo all.<br />
LOVE<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XKjYQ3duIN4/Tst92qPMfJI/AAAAAAAA3hA/Zu9whlqmoRc/s1600/perepilt2000.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XKjYQ3duIN4/Tst92qPMfJI/AAAAAAAA3hA/Zu9whlqmoRc/s320/perepilt2000.jpg" width="244" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LzdYLlCy5fA/Tst-aONq6pI/AAAAAAAA3hI/wZhrSlJy8E0/s1600/IMG_0659.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LzdYLlCy5fA/Tst-aONq6pI/AAAAAAAA3hI/wZhrSlJy8E0/s320/IMG_0659.jpg" width="264" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-keFbx7YomEw/Tst-4kSKe3I/AAAAAAAA3hU/XwYqAmwT32s/s1600/IMG_0644.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-keFbx7YomEw/Tst-4kSKe3I/AAAAAAAA3hU/XwYqAmwT32s/s320/IMG_0644.jpg" width="213" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HRE1_QkeHuM/Tst_eODzb1I/AAAAAAAA3hc/UgrqGcipmRM/s1600/IMG_0615.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HRE1_QkeHuM/Tst_eODzb1I/AAAAAAAA3hc/UgrqGcipmRM/s320/IMG_0615.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>xoxoxoQueen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-58415568280251846742011-11-06T01:46:00.000-07:002011-11-06T01:46:30.034-08:00Stillness speaks.<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tEJocrOXauA/TrZWrVN-OXI/AAAAAAAA3gI/Xn4FbJNln-o/s1600/IMG_0010_2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="241" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tEJocrOXauA/TrZWrVN-OXI/AAAAAAAA3gI/Xn4FbJNln-o/s320/IMG_0010_2.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">@ Maya bar in hangzhou</td></tr>
</tbody></table>After Watching Oprahs Lifeclass on line I started to read book "Stillness Speaks". FOr a while I have been trying to find the right book to read that speaks to me and I am on same page with it. I failed in the past miserably. I feel like Oprahs show started on Right time because whatever she was speaking in her show made sense. EVERY Lifeclass I watched thought me something new about myself because I was exactly the person who needed to be in there , right then ,,and right now...<br />
While reading this book, I found myself sad that I have forgotten about the person I really am. I have become someone else who does not like me. I have built up walls so high that when thinking about breaking them down will scare me a little. What if I become vulnerable again? What if history repeats? What if ... BUT I have to be the bigger person and start taking little steps here and there and I am willing to learn and starting to let go...<br />
<br />
... Following "lesson" is from Stillness speaks...<br />
<br />
Do you experience frequent and repetitive drama in your close relationships? Do relatively insignificant disagreements often trigger violent arguments and emotional Pain?<br />
At the root of such experiences lie the basic egoic patterns: The need to be right and , of course, for someone else to be wrong; that is to say , identifications with mental positions. There is also the ego's need to be periodically in conflict with something or someone in order to strengthen its sense of separation between "me" and the "other" without which it cannot survive.<br />
In addition there is the accumulated emotional pain from the past that you and each human being carries within, both from your personal past as well as the collective pain of humanity that goes back a long, long time. This "pain-pody" is and energy field within you that sporadically takes you over because it needs to experience more emotional pain for it to feed on and replenish itself. It will try to control your thinking and make it deeply negative . It loves your negative thoughts , since it resonates with their frequency and so can feed on them. It will also provoke negative emotional reactions in people close to you, especially your partner, in order to feed on the ensuing drama and emotional pain.<br />
<br />
How can you free yourself from this deep- seated unconscious identification with pain that creates so much misery in your life?<br />
<br />
Become aware of it. Realize that it is to not who you are, and recognize it for what it is: Past pain. Witness it as it happens in your partner or in yourself. When your unconscious identification with it is broken, when you are able to observe it within yourself, you don't feed it anymore, and it will gradually lose its energy charge.<br />
<br />
.....<br />
<br />
I am trying, really hard... And i hope that one day I will get there, better sooner than later :)Queen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-49737771383834177262011-10-31T20:11:00.000-07:002011-10-31T20:11:43.175-07:00November.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Oh, Happy Halloween to you all. IT was one of favorite holidays for REgina, since she could dress up and act all silly :)<br />
<br />
Lot of time has passed since my last post. I want to thank you all who thought about us, and sent us notes and emails telling us that they think about Regina and us:) Thank you :) We appreciate it.<br />
<br />
..We still live in Hangzhou and are blessed with the worst landlord there is. We think about moving as soon as possible, but since our contract ends in June I believe, we are stuck here and have to make it work. Our apartment does not have central heating, and I am already scared about winter. Night are getting cooler and cooler, and with no time I have to turn on our tiny heater box that is on the wall. And drink lot of lemon, ginger tea with touch of honey . <br />
I have to stop complaining. My life is fabulous. I get to experience world and great fantastic memories with loved ones, but I still find something to complain about. There is always something that bugs me, and I am working hard on me to make me better. I don't know if I made any progress , but I feel like one step at a time, and one day I will find me.:).<br />
..<br />
<br />
Gabriel is doing Great in his new school. China has made him more independent, and he loves it . In school he is doing much better than last year. he is MATH genius and very proud of it :) HE also takes tennis lessons, and is very proud of what he as accomplished within past couple of months. For a while he wanted to be President of United States of America, but he decided that it is not such a great idea, since it seems like lot of work. haha.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Boracay, Philippines.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
..<br />
Nick and I...<br />
It's complicated, we are working on our relationship and it is hard. Whoever said marriage is easy never most likely tried to work on it. Sometimes it looks like we made progress and sometimes we stumble because I can't keep my eyes half shut.. We have discussed divorce, many times and who knows what next year brings. Right now we are trying to pick up the pieces, not put a blame on each other for our own failures and see where next year takes us. We are 2 very different people with same goal..happiness and we are trying to figure out how to get there ..<br />
<br />
We also travel a lot here in Asia. This year we visited Taipei for few days because Nick had to attend conference there. We also spend amazing week in Philippines. I would love to go back there and soak in warm , salty blue water. Stare at blue sky and forget that there is real world somewhere....<br />
I also want to start writing little bit more. I lost it for a while. Nothing made sense and I want things start making sense again. :)<br />
<br />
...<br />
<br />
The other day I was watching Oprah Lifeclass and in the end of the show She tea poem by Derek Walcott. It was exactly what I needed to start look even more into me. :)<br />
<br />
I hope you all are having an amazing year, and don't let fear paralyze you.<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; color: #3c605b; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; color: #3c605b; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;">Love After Love </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; color: #3c605b; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: black;">by Derek Walcott</span></span><br />
<div style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; border-collapse: collapse; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px; padding-left: 14px; padding-top: 20px;">
The time will come<br />when, with elation<br />you will greet yourself arriving<br />at your own door, in your own mirror<br />and each will smile at the other's welcome,<br /><br />and say, sit here. Eat.<br />You will love again the stranger who was your self.<br />Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart<br />to itself, to the stranger who has loved you<br /><br />all your life, whom you ignored<br />for another, who knows you by heart.<br />Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,<br /><br />the photographs, the desperate notes,<br />peel your own image from the mirror.<br />Sit. Feast on your life.</div>Queen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com0Binjiang, Hangzhou, Zhejiang, China30.208487 120.21202130.1536325 120.133057 30.263341500000003 120.29098499999999tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-18223269477843995922011-09-18T19:09:00.000-07:002011-09-18T19:09:40.550-07:00Happy Birthday Princess Regina.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Forever 10 , forever in our Hearts!</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
2 years have passed since we last held her.. .</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
xoxoxoxo</div>
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<br />Queen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-31893033881127961892011-09-15T00:08:00.000-07:002011-09-15T00:08:50.491-07:0009/20/2011 2 years<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-f8rK07SzIUU/TnGj-u5CJtI/AAAAAAAA3NU/gmemo0MOc28/s1600/ingel99.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="202" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-f8rK07SzIUU/TnGj-u5CJtI/AAAAAAAA3NU/gmemo0MOc28/s320/ingel99.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Do I need to say more?<br />
September 20th marks 2 years since Reginas passing. We miss our girl and there isn't a day we don't think about her. :)<br />
Forever in our Hearts, forever loved.<br />
xoxoxoxoQueen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-29726149497306089972011-07-22T00:55:00.000-07:002011-07-22T00:55:37.785-07:00July in HangzhouLife in Hangzhou is different. Heat and humidity are not comparable to any other place I have lived before. It Rains almost every day and now we have heatwave giving us hard time Today thermostat read 43C in shade.. WTF?? and humidity is about 100%. It feels like I live in Sauna. <br />
I have no desire to go outside :(<br />
Our apartment sucks big time . It looks great , but ... HOT water runs out in every 2 minutes because boiler is only 11 liters.<br />
<br />
COuntertops are to low and sinks are to small. Hardly any dirty dishes fit in them. NOW , AC is powerful, but it is not central. It is manual. It sits in one corner and blows cold air to our necks, and because of that I got a cold... Just before my trip to ESTONIA :(. When I turn of AC , room gets HOT as hell within minutes. ..<br />
<br />
Our elevators are also not air conditioned and are STINKY hot inside. I am telling you. I am living now as normal chinese person. What a life. Only difference is, I get stared at everywhere, people stop and look and point and whisper. I hate it :( I also hate suburb life here. Not my thing. I really started LOVING beijing. Traffic sucked, but I was getting used to it. ...:)<br />
<br />
After moving from Beijing to Hangzhou, we visited US for 11 days. California First. Nick got really sick and had to be on antibiotics the whole trip. We argued a lot because he felt like his vacation was "stolen" from him... AND he was the one who needed a real vacation.<br />
California did not disappoint me. I loved our Aliso viejo Renaissance club and sport hotel and I loved seeing familiar faces and i LOVED FOOD> OH, I had no idea how much I missed it till I tasted it.. .MMMMMM<br />
From cali we flew to Washington DC. It was our first time :D Gabriel loved every minute of it. I also got to meet my dear friend Leila there who actually lives in Cali, but was visiting area... SO MUCH FUN :D<br />
<br />
Long story short, we ended our trip in NY. AGAIN. I FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS CITY ALL OVER AGAIN.<br />
Last time I visited NY was in 1999 I think. Or was it 2000 ?? Anyway. SO much energy, so much life and so many beautiful people. If I only was single... :D<br />
<br />
Now we are back in Hangzhou and I have 4 more days before my trip to ESTONIA!! CAN't wait. I am going alone, because Nick thinks it is important for Gabe to learn some more chinese, and he is going to be staying to his Aunt Jinsongs apartment for 3 weeks :D Great . So , nick will get his "vacation" and break from us. But he will be working his assssss offf....:D:D:D:D<br />
<br />
I hope you all are having awesome summer, and heat is not as bad as it is here:D<br />
I POSTED SOME OF OUR TRIP PHOTOS To MY FLICKR albums.<br />
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch">http://www.flickr.com/photos/caliwitch</a><br />
<br />
PS.. In a way Cali trip was little hard for me.. I wish Regina was here...xoxoxoQueen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-38662107557827991502011-06-14T08:59:00.000-07:002011-06-14T08:59:11.770-07:00Upset, and missing my Girl.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">I just watched The real housewives of OC reunions. I was angry. Not because gretccccchen or Alexa but because how Slade has no compassion towards his ex and their son. I was in awww when I heard not a single word about I hope G gets better, or cancer never comes back, or WE ( Gretchen and Slade ) going to be there for Gray forever.. I WAS MAD. </span><br />
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;">When Regina was patient in CHLA we had the chance to see slade and his son couple of times in CHLA. Let me tell you. I was not surprised. All the nurses were around them, babying, awing. hihihihiing and so on. Of course "he was a celebrity" . I even told slade when passing him that I LOVE the show he is on. And I did not lie . I really love OC housewives. B U T </div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"> WHen I went to CHLA I already had history with St Jude. ANd awesome history. I was trained well to take care of cancer patient. In CHLA at first I hated it. Everything was done differently. REgina had broviac line and her dressing was changed differently. First time we got a rude asian nurse. And Now I get it why she was rude. In asia people are like this. THey don't care if someone gets hurt . They are just doing their thing. ... And regina got hurt during her dressing change. Nurse rubbed her skin with rubbing alcohol until she was RAW. Her skin was red and she was in tears, but she was not crying. I told the nurse to slow down and do it in my way, because I know what works with my girl. .. Nurse did not listen to me. She said this is how it is easier to do for her.</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"> I called to CHLA the same day and complained and I got reply from head nurse or whoever she was. " I am sorry mrs Tan , we know you are experienced MOM, but we actually have the best system to change line dressings and blahblahbalba... I just listened to her and told her... IS IT OK TO 7 Year old skin to start bleeding during line change? Is it ok to get infected while her counts are low? I was told sorry and we look into it.... And from that day on THAT NURSE never really spoke to me again. BUT she did spoke to other cute cancer patients. and I felt sick. I don't like that nurse to this day. She was taking sides , and not thinking about patients. </div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;">And that nurse was always all over SLade and his son. I was it , we were right there getting hard chemo, Regina throwing up , sad.....</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"> But whenever we got there, she never even made eye contact or bothered to say HI, Regina, how are you doing. You are so cute today, Look at your dress... We saw how she treated other patients, She was very selective...... I felt she was very unfair. </div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;">BUT ,, Regina did have her favorite nurses one of her was Marlene. She always made us smile and laugh.:) And we are thankful that we get to see such an passionate person who truly cared about her patients. Everybody loved her.</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;">Anyway. I know, I still feel bitter towards some people in my past, but I can't change it. I know it is time to give up and move on and focus all the good there is. But at least once a week I hear stories from people I know how their loved ones were miss treated..... just because...</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"> AHH... I just hope that Slade will step out or Gretchens shadow and starts doing what he is supposed to. Being a mom to a cancer kid is hard, and I can't imagine how hard it is to have an ex who is dad to that boy who's lis fighting hard every day to m a ke it work.</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;">I just hope it stops soon, because it is not right.</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;">OC housewives and husbands need to grow up...</div><div><br />
</div>Queen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-60069710352476100902011-06-12T03:51:00.000-07:002011-06-12T03:51:40.855-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5U5fbuNAc_I/TfSQ-0qzwqI/AAAAAAAA2KA/gJSeGxBiDMo/s1600/IMG_8261.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="94" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5U5fbuNAc_I/TfSQ-0qzwqI/AAAAAAAA2KA/gJSeGxBiDMo/s320/IMG_8261.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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My updates are as rare as rain in Beijing. It is extremely hard to please my bilingual crowd. Living in China is not easy, and writing in English in CHina is very hard. I really do prefer Estonian language here. Very weird. English is not my first or second language. It is my 4th language. I was born in Estonia and my first language was Estonian. I think in third grade I started learning Russian, and then in high school I mastered my beginning level of Finnish. I think I was alright in finnish. And right now I am studying mandarin Chinese. IT is hard. VERY hard. I can understand a lot, and I nod my head when people tell me something, but I can't answer to all the questions yet. My vocabulary is basic, but I am learning every day new words. I guess I am just way to shy and self conscientious about how I say it and because of that I prefer to keep my mouth shut. I hate repeating one sentence 10 times with different tones. I feel like moron when people don't understand me :( And I admire those who learned to speak fluently within a year. :) GOod Job :D<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_aHIie8fQ38/TfSOUU8fYrI/AAAAAAAA2I0/37fkqIBQNO8/s1600/IMG_8361.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_aHIie8fQ38/TfSOUU8fYrI/AAAAAAAA2I0/37fkqIBQNO8/s320/IMG_8361.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>BUT, BUT, BUT. In 10 days my boy G will turn 10. brr. I wan't him to skip 10 and turn 11 instead. Those who have been following our story know that Regina passed away 1 day after her 10th birthday AND past 2 weeks, have been like a big nightmare. I have been dreaming about her a lot, nice dreams, scary dreams, night horrors. I have been waking up sweaty because I had a dream I KILLED HER. I had a dream she drowned in big sea of water. I dreamed that she was back and to stay. It has been 2 weeks of very confusing dreams. <br />
At first I did not understand why, but I am sure, it is something to do with Gabriel turning 10. AND WE LOVE GABRIEL , WE LOVE THAT HE IS TURNING 10. I just want PAST to stop hunting me and i want to enjoy TODAY, not feeling guilty enjoying it. I hope I make some sense.<br />
<br />
Also in 10 days will be last day of 4th grade for Gabriel and this year has been full on challenges. It has been academically very hard year for Gabriel. His behavior has been "NOT GOOD" according to teachers, and great according to our friends. I know GABRIEL is little different and he has been doing lot of testing when it comes to her teacher, but to be honest, we are not used to THIS KIND OF TEACHER who can't handle kids, and blames it on kid, that KID makes her look bad in front of the class??? I guess Gabriel has been bulling his new teacher this year. WOW. <br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9TU-umlrDZg/TfSO8LxPSHI/AAAAAAAA2JU/3HTIzNP4tFg/s1600/IMG_8358.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9TU-umlrDZg/TfSO8LxPSHI/AAAAAAAA2JU/3HTIzNP4tFg/s320/IMG_8358.jpg" width="320" /></a>He did confess that he has not been easy on teacher because it is just boring in his class. and very slow. OK. <br />
Being a parent is H A R D.<br />
<br />
Gabriel is excited to go to his new school in hangzhou. HE LOOKS forward to it. Our new apartment is in walking distance from school and we love it :D I WILL NOT MISS OUT in school activities :D<br />
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And last-- We are moving to hangzhou in june 24th. Can't wait to look out of our new apartment window and enjoy beautiful river view ( NOT LOOKING forward to our bitch, witch landlord lady though). hihi<br />
<br />
AND AFTER ALL THAT. We will travel to USA :D CALI June 29th to 6th ( we are leaving to DC on early morning on 6th of July). So if you wanna see us let me know @ dianatan78@gmail.com We have NOTHING planned for 4th of July yet, -- I HAD PLANS, but my CALI BFF is going away with her hubby :( . SO IF you have something exciting going on and have a bedroom floor for 3 of us let us know . We really want to celebrate 4th of july with people we know :)<br />
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We spend 2 days in DC and then 2 days in New York. Gabriel wants to see the white house and Lady of Liberty :D<br />
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Talk to you soonQueen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-10199051670281623132011-05-15T04:36:00.000-07:002011-05-15T04:36:17.469-07:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">'ve been often asked: " Diana, how are you doing? How are things? How is your life?" and so on. But the hardest question I got couple of days ago. It was so hard to answer, I had to bit inside of my cheek so hard it bleed. I did it because I did not want to start bowling like a baby . But I started crying anyway.</span><br />
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;">I was asked once - " Do I ever revisit "THAT" day?" What she meant was the day Regina passed away. The question itself is great question. But it is the hardest one to answer without tears..</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;">My answer is. "Of Course I revisit that day. I do it almost every day. For about 6 or 7 months after Reginas passing i refused to think about it. I only had slide show in my mind about what had happened. I remember us there smiling around her, I remember her taking her last breath, I remember me looking at my husband and then pressing my left ear against Reginas heart, and I remember feeling happy for a second because she is no longer hurting. And then I remember deep sadness and darkness and fog. Fog, that I could not cut through . Fog , made everything we did look like it happened in slow motion. </div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;">I Remember that everything what happened that day and forward , was not How I wanted it to be. </div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;">Past few months that slideshow is no longer slideshow. I have been able to allow myself to go back to that day and remember every feeling, every smell, every word that was said , I am no longer afraid to go back and I am no longer scared to shred a tear or 2. or more. I realized that this pain I am feeling will never go away, and me hiding it will not make it better. I am no longer afraid and embarrassed when I have meltdown in some random store or place because something there reminded me of Regina. And when something reminds me of her, then the second memory that I get is the day she passed away. </div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;">So yes, I revisit "That" day to often, but I guess it is mu choice and you can't judge me for it. </div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;">Mothers day this year was hard. Her last mothers day meal for me was .. heehe.. Was Onion sandwich which consisted of 2 slices of white bread and sliced yellow onion between them. I just opened my eyes and she was there with her sandwich :D She asked me if I want to eat it right away, but I told her I am going to do it in a minute. I took a bite to show her that mmmm... it is good... But .. I secretly took onions and put them to trash can :D I ate the bread and she asked again, if I liked it. I smiled again and said .. OF COURSE, you make the best sandwiches.... </div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;">That was our last Mothers day , and second Mothers day in a row I have cried because I miss My happy carefree Baby Girl. </div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
</div>Queen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-17340507197310805812011-05-12T06:12:00.000-07:002011-05-13T13:48:15.332-07:00May<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;">It has been a while since my last post. I have been blogging lot more in ESTONIAN, and I am very active in Faceuebook. In a way, I do feel like maybe it is time for me to close this blog and leave, but I can't do it. I wan't to write, I want to let you know how we are and how we feel. Sadly, I don't find that energy in me to blog in 2 languages anymore. I am choosing Estonian over English, and if you speak Estonian you are one lucky person.</span><br />
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"> Quick update. We still live in Beijing. At least for couple of more months. We just rented apartment in Hangzhou. Rental process was a mess. apartment had NO oven, NO washer dryer, NO DISHWASHER, and no Central heating and RENT FOR IT WAS 12 000 yuan ( google it how much it is in your money). BUT it has gorgeous River views and great layout.</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;">Apartment comes with NASTY landlord. We lowered price from 12000 to 10000. Requested Washer dryer combo and OVEN in. She did it. And then told us WE HAVE TO PAY half of the price IF WE want ti. OK. No big deal. 5000 Yuan . OK... Next surprise--- She told us WE have to pay association fee??? REALLY????? WE argued until she decided FINE, no association fee... THEN she came back and told us that whatever satellite we want it is 2000 Yuan ( association fee). Well in reality it is only about 300 yuan... THAT Fing biotch is business woman. We were about to drop out , but then I told nick. Do you really want to start from beginning? Non of the other apartments had oven or dishwasher or dryer in. And they did not have a view like that.</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;">Anyway, we got it, but I keep my fingers crossed that she stays away OR co operates with us when something goes wrong. Summers in Hangzhou are HOT and winters COLD. ANd she IS one cold hearted bitch who just cares about money....( so do I but I still am better landlord...).</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;">BTW, someone stole our family identities and posed as US on Facebook. I just found out. That 21 year old is charged with 8 counts of some sort of fraud. So guys, if you come across some weird website that has OUR faces but not our names, PLEASE let us know. Right now we know that we were named GIGI, Debra (I think), Nick and Gabe Heart. Regina ( GIGI) was born on January 25th 2001 and died January 26th 2011 ( WOW, she was still alive and what the heck was I mourning about ????). Anyway- i think 8 more families are in same deep shit we are in. HOPING FOR A FAST solution and maximum sentence to Crystal van something.</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;">That is pretty much it.</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;">OH, and I turned 33 on may 8th. I am soo OLD. </div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;"><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BmsV6xp8ky0/Tcvmu0LPWKI/AAAAAAAA0Rc/ewPB5rVY_so/s1600/IMG_8491.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BmsV6xp8ky0/Tcvmu0LPWKI/AAAAAAAA0Rc/ewPB5rVY_so/s1600/IMG_8491.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_KfRuTh4cXo/TcvnT_uhDiI/AAAAAAAA0Rg/aEWk3juhgjg/s1600/IMG_8008.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_KfRuTh4cXo/TcvnT_uhDiI/AAAAAAAA0Rg/aEWk3juhgjg/s1600/IMG_8008.JPG" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica;">Di</div>Queen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7290451.post-20631258078689167692011-03-06T04:04:00.000-08:002011-03-06T04:04:36.891-08:00 Now that I live in Beijing with my family, I feel like I see Nick less and less. He travels a lot between hangzhou where his main office is . Usually he comes to Beijing for a weekend, and then goes back to Hangzhou for a week.<br />
And NOW, he took off again to go to USA for a week. UGH. Hi Lonely females-lets unite...<br />
<br />
Every time Nick travels to USA, he writes a long list of things he has to bring back. Even though we live in Beijing, and everything is available here, quality and price is what matters. And in china we do not get quality and we do not get good price . So this time nick has to come back with-<br />
<br />
<ul><li>Almonds from costco</li>
<li>Walnuts from costco</li>
<li>toothpaste from costco</li>
<li>Rembrandt toothpaste</li>
<li>toothbrashes from costco</li>
<li>chewing gum I like and is too expensive here in beijing( triple the price)</li>
<li>plastic wrap( gling wrap)</li>
<li>alcohol from tax free shop</li>
<li>MacBook pro( new generation)</li>
<li>Canon 5D mark 2 ( hope he gets it this time)</li>
<li>different goat cheeses </li>
<li>Cereals</li>
<li>my perfum- Armani diamond Intense ( way to expensive in China)</li>
<li>Skin care products</li>
<li>Salsa</li>
</ul><div><br />
</div><div>I also wanted to send him to TJ maxx for a shopping trip, but He can't handle this kind of shopping ;) So no new shoes for me :D</div><div><br />
</div><div>We are also slowly getting ready for our next move . YES.. After Gabriels school is out, we are going to take a short trip to USA, and then we are going to pack our bags and move to Hangzhou. I am not excited about it. BUT , I am not really against it ether. I am just getting used to Beijing lifestyle, meeting people, I know where everything is .. ANd now I have to start from BEGINNING AGAIn.</div><div><br />
</div><div>i was told at one of the parties Nick and I attended ( where everybody LOVED hangzhou), that it will be easier there for me to meet people, get to know places, and make hangzhou my home, since it is smaller, and expat community there is also smaller, and people are "tight". So Hopefully they are right, and if they are not, I will find them on Facebook, and let them know that they were W R O N G :D</div><div><br />
</div><div>About Gabriel. He is not doing very well in his new school. We still have no PTA, and sadly, i believe that we are stuck with teacher, who is not really doing her job as passionately as we are used to. Gabriels grades last semester were not the best, and it made us go WHAT ??? you like math and know math and you got C?? WHAT? Not possible... Anyway, just little disappointing. </div><div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-UbpbNcjvqWo/TXNz8MnbWHI/AAAAAAAAwI0/FWJ5t3YY0sc/s1600/IMG_1540.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-UbpbNcjvqWo/TXNz8MnbWHI/AAAAAAAAwI0/FWJ5t3YY0sc/s320/IMG_1540.jpg" width="213" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-AZYYgtmoVQ4/TXN0Ppzf5SI/AAAAAAAAwI8/SDUDt66fnxA/s1600/IMG_1542.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-AZYYgtmoVQ4/TXN0Ppzf5SI/AAAAAAAAwI8/SDUDt66fnxA/s320/IMG_1542.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div><div>We also miss our Girl Regina terribly. There is not a day she is not in our minds. But I know one day I will get a second chance to see her and that time we will not be separated. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-1d-74DPpOf0/TXN39lNeI8I/AAAAAAAAwJE/NTXFWWI9Sa8/s1600/Picture+046.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="235" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-1d-74DPpOf0/TXN39lNeI8I/AAAAAAAAwJE/NTXFWWI9Sa8/s320/Picture+046.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div> xoxoxox Regina.R.I P.</div></div>Queen Dhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11445415435887595656noreply@blogger.com3