Sunday, December 20

I had awesome time with My friend Maarika and Her family. I am sure they are happy I am finally packing my stuff and moving out ( 3 suitcases, and 2 large carry ones').
Today we are driving to beautiful Estonia Countryside. It is about 350 Km from Northen Estonia ( yup, it only takes 4 hours to travel from one end to Estonia to another end. :)

Gabriel is doing pretty good. I noticed that he is actually picking up some estonian. last night one of the kids asked from him in Estonian, what is his name, and he said. My name Is Gabriel :) SO cool :)

I am not sure when I will be able to update. If I get free Wifi in southern Est, I can do direct Iphone updates but if not, then just hope that our trip is awesome :):):):)
Lots of love
From Tans :)

Friday, December 18

In Estonia

We made it here . Our trip was uneventful. We had to transfer twice, and that was the most excitement we had in a while. Since our flights were delayed one hour everywhere, WE HAD TO RUN and always made it on last minute, ( or so we thought) and when we were told that flight is delayed, I just rolled my eyes and went AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH...

Estonia is Beautiful. In Tallin is not much snow, but last night it was about 23-25 C cold. It is very cold, but I love it. I absolutely love it.:)
Gabriel is super happy. In a weird way he thinks he is superman and does not need to wear winter clothes. HE wants to run out to play without his hat, or mittens... Very stubborn boy :)

I am wishing you Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas whatever you prefer ;)

Lots of love from Tans:)

Friday, December 11

I am so excited, I can not hide it...

I really can't:) I known since beginning of November that I am going to spend Christmas in Estonia :):):) SO today I finally called my parents and let them know. They seem pretty excited also.
We are leaving on Wednesday , the 16th. Red EYE flight for LAX. And we will return on 7th Of January 2009. This time we will travel with our beautiful blue US passports. NO more Green cards :)
My suitcases are packed. ( 3 of them), and Gabriel has his carry on almost packed, and I have to pack my Cameras and laptop, but everything else is P A C K E D:) I am little sad to leave "Regina" behind. I would love to take her with me, but I guess , she need a break from me .. hehehe:)

U ask what I am planning to do there? Enjoy some really cold weather, Drink lots of alcohol, eat traditional holiday foods and have fun. I know It will be hard, since Estonia is small, and REginas footprints are everywhere. But I can do it. I am not sure How I will handle flying this time. I LOVE FLYING. I love airports, and chaos in airports. I have been told that flying first time without your loved one, will be very emotional .. I know I will cry for few hours.. But right now , every day for me is taking new steps. .. New steps to the places I fear going, but I am doing it anyway. . SO , YES. I AM GOING TO ESTONIA :):):):)

About new steps. . TOday, I finally went to AAA and returned Reginas Handicap placecard. It was very for me to do so. It only took about 15 seconds to place it on the countertop, but while doing so, I had flashbacks of each time I had to park in handicap section, pull out her little wheelchair and wheel her around. At that time her whole " life in wheelchair" flashed.. I remembered each time. and after I left aaa , I just sat in my car for couple of minutes and cried .

(((I miss her )))
If I don't update before, I just want to wish you all Merry Christmas and happy New Year. But I am sure I will get couple of more chances to update. :)):) SO I will be wishing you Happy holidays many more times ;)



Monday, December 7

Pulling my hair out.

( I Still hung up Reginas stocking)
Ups and downs,, highs and lows. Right now I am feeling very down. Christmas parties everywhere. Sunshine kids, starlight starbright, CHLA, CHOC neurosurgery patients partie, TO MANY TO COUNT. It brings tears to my eyes to hear about these parties. My heart is bleeding that we had to be part of this cancer world for years, and got used to THAT life. NOW I have to get used to "normal" life. I have to put on a smily face when someone tells me their kids is doing good. But only question I have WHY them? WHy can't REgina be here and doing good? WHy can't I Hug her and tell her how proud I am for what she has done.
Srry for this let it out session.
Missing her.
( Bunch of fun Estonians)

Thursday, December 3


I can't believe it is December. WOW. How did this happen?
I hope you all had awesome thanksgiving. We sure did. This year we spent it with Gabriels best friends family ( also our good Friends). Why you ask? Well, they invited. To be honest. I LOVE cooking turkey and all the foods that belong to thanksgiving turkey. I love how Regina helped me set Thanksgiving table , and how she requested that WE HAVE TO MAKE LOTS OF FOOD :) And she always helped me chop something. ANd of course we had to have homemade macaroni salad, because she always loved it so much..But before she passed away, I think she had enough Macaroni salad for eternity.. lol AAHHH, miss her:) We all do :)

So this Thanksgiving was first without Regina. It was very hard on Nick also. he was looking at our Friends daughter and wondering about Regina chit chatting with her, helping her. Walking up and down the stairs. I tried not to think about it and I did good:) Wine and great food and fun people kept me entertained for a while :):):) Food was awesome.. Turkey with Oyster stuffing, smashed sweet potatoes, mushrooms and onions, cranberry and sausage stuffing, great gravy, AAAHHHHHH Food was SOOO GOOD. Myself I made my Pumpkin Cheescake:)
It was awesome night :) But events like this just make me eat more next day, and even more day after next... so now I am left with few extras here and there
Now Nick is back in Asia. Gabriel and I are here and trying to keep ourselves busy. Before Nick left, we "kissed and made up"... lol Things are good in OC :):) (( Hugs to you all))