Wednesday, October 29

New blog....

I started new blog, it is time for me to start writing again..... Hopefully I can keep up with it.....

Thursday, September 19


14 years ago , on september 19th, 1999,  after 24 hours of intense labor ,4.07 AM I gave birth to my 7 lb Daughter Regina Melody. I thought we all would live happily ever after. Little did I know that almost 5 years later our lives would change forever.     I had to grow up overnight and take charge.   She fought hard for almost 6 years and not once , NOT ONCE she complained that she did not want to do it anymore... Even few days before her passing she told me , she does not want to die. And I would never forget those words.  I was screaming inside, but instead I told her. It is ok. I love you.  I will always love you. It is ok to let go...

I miss her .  Time has not heeled any wounds, I have just learned to live with it. I have learned to live without her but  I remember ...

Today  would be her 14th birthday, but for us she is forever 10, forever happy, forever free...

I miss you Regina Melody. You changed my life...

Forever in my heart.

Saturday, March 16

I miss her so much it hurts...

 I have been thinking about Regina every day.  Some days more other days less, but there has not been a day  I haven't thought about her.  For me , she always will be Care bear, Barbie and Webkins girl.  She would always bake cupcakes and fix me interesting meals made of whatever  she found in refrigerator . She would always wear pink outfits that are oddly styled, but she did it herself, and I never  questioned her why she would wear such weird outfit.   She had her style and it is hard to match. She was unique and I loved it about her.  She did not care what people thought about her funky style and it did not bother her if someone mentioned maybe she should wear something else.
 I miss her. And I am scared.  I am starting to forget how her hugs felt like. I am starting to forget her scent or how her skin used to feel like how she held my hand.
I miss baking with her and I miss her cute smile and uplifting giggle.  And I want Gabriel to have his best buddy and playmate back... But it is never going to happen and all we  have left are amazing memories of her . She will never be forgotten  She will always be loved.

Hug your loved ones tight tonight...
Rest in peace Baby girl.
Your mommy , daddy and brother   send you some angel kisses wherever you are....

Wednesday, March 6

Desperate housewives of Hangzhou

Beth and KirinIMG_7234MafaldaCeciliaCeciliaMarina
MarinaMarinaIMG_7223Beautiful MarinaIMG_7221Beautiful Cecilia
IMG_7219Marina, Cecilia and MafaldaMarina , Cecilia and MafaldaBeautiful Marina, Cecilia and mafaldaAmy trying to do "Dianas" face... Keep on practicingWith Amy
Me and my Canadian goddess AmyIMG_7209Not sure ... She most likely had some bad Italian food...Beauties in HangzhouIMG_7203Amy, the Glamorous one.

Mar 5, 2013, a set on Flickr.

PAFA's ( parents and friends association of HIS), organized fun lunch for us. It was called Desperate housewives of Hangzhou... We all are pretty desperate to get out of China lol, but this lunch gave us all to dress up a little more than usual and win some prizes. I also won ;)

Tuesday, October 30

Checking in...

We are still living in China. In Hangzhou. I think I have lost my mind and I am slowly going crazy in here.  2 1/2 years in this place can do that to a person.

  Tomorrow is Halloween.  Not my favorite holiday if you ask me. Not anymore :(    IT USED TO BE.
  We had so much fun with Regina and Gabriel doing all sorts of Halloween activities- Pumpkin patch, fairs, dressing up, buying outfits, cupcake baking,  Disneyland. Every little cute witch Reminds me of Regina .  Gabriel now has "grown up" and does not care much for stuff.   ANd we don't have pumpkin patches here, or farms, or  halloween parties..
I have been experiencing lot of tears and sadness over past couple of days, and nothing  helps me get better. :(
I miss my Halloween partner in crime:)

R.I.P Princess Regina xoxo

Love Mom.

Sunday, September 23


I know you all expected some sort of post from me.   You  had every right to do so. After all ,  it was Reginas Birthday and day later the day she earned her beautiful angel wings and halo.

I opened this blog many times  but I did not have right words to write down. Everything was just stuck within me.  As much as I wanted to push out my thoughts and feelings,  I could not .
I actually felt during those 2 days , that I was "helped" .  THe whole week was just very hard for me. I tried to keep myself as busy as possible, watching every crime drama there was, so my thoughts would not wonder to that day..  the day she passed.

I was doing great .. I really was. But the closer to her birthday , the more pain I started experiencing.  TO the point I just could not handle anything negative. I just cried...    I want to forget the day she passed away.  I actually want to forget the time  when I first knew that She will not make it till the day she passed away. Because I would never want anyone to see me like that. I would not want anyone to experience the pain I ( we ) all went through.  And seeing your love one dying  and not being able to do anything at all to save her... Just comfort. And not knowing if I am doing it right.  I think , that sometimes I feel her pain, because I think she want's me to feel it.  And I know one day I will be there and experiencing whatever she went through...

I miss her every day.  I miss her hugs, her smile,  giggles,  toys, moodiness, silliness,  her thrive to survive.
And I can't stand that I was not able to  make one of her biggest wishes come through... Her wish to live...

RIP Princess Regina.. xoxoxo.. One day....