Thursday, December 9

Was I the only one who did not watch GLEE??

I am sorry all you Glee fans. I swear. I did not watch it. I did not like first 7 episodes and I did not get it.  But now, NOW I LOVE IT. Glee is one of those shows in my opinion that  needs time to get used to it.  Myself , I am more CSI, Law and ORder: SVU , Bones and Castle kind of girl and when Glee came along and everyone was excited, I was like. HUH? you like what? YOu are who? Gleek? What is that?

Anyway. Thanks to HULU I can watch Glee now.  Most recent episode was about "Christmas" . Well, it was formed after Grinch stole the Christmas. But what I was drawn to was that Cheerleader and her boyfriend who are in wheelchair.
She wanted Christmas miracle so badly , she believed in santa and all, and in the end she got it.  :D GOod for her. Her boyfriend got to walk  .. Even for a minute:D

But. If I believed in santa, and had one wish,   I am sure, you all know what I would wish for. ... EVEN writing this makes me tear up.  I was very angry with the show writers.    How could they write such a story, how could they  make some 17 year old still believe in santa, and in the end she gets her wish???

WHAT ABOUT ME?? WHERE IS MY WISH? Where is Regina?  Smiling, running, happy , healthy? Where is my wish  about NO MORE PEDIATRIC CANCER, no more brain tumors, no more kids dying because of   cancer? WTF? I wan't my wish NOW!!!

Oh ,  you have no idea how much work I still have to do before I find my "safe place". I am still lost in so many levels". At times I am still numb, I still hear other people blabbering about some weird pimple on their 2 year old, and I just smile and go. .OK, It will get better...  
I have one wish for myself.- I want to get better. I want to find safe place for myself. I  wan't to be me and not worry about people feeling pity  for me when I cry out of blue.
I wan't to get better.

Miss my Girl Regina to Pieces...

Tuesday, December 7

Smiles :D

To be honest, I am not a very big fan of Chinese traditional medicine  for many reasons. First of all- most ( but not all) chinese "medicine Doctors" in China   don't know what they are doing. They COPY really good chinese medicine doctors and  then sell  FAKE PROMISES, to stupid Westerners who believe everything they say.  Lot of chinese medicine drugs   are not mixed in right proportions and are completely different what  the "box says". Lot of chinese medicine doctors tell you--  YOUR STOMACH to cold, that is why You so sick. Keep your stomach warm...

Today I went to see my dermatologist here In beijing. She works in United  Family Hospital that is catered towards westerners, but lot of Asian locals who have money use it also. Anyway, I had acne facial today and   the smell of Chinese medicine herbs is still  lingering  somewhere deep in my skin..
. Procedure was fun. Nurse, who is about my age came in, told me.  Lie down, keep your shoes on, keep your clothes on. I am sorry, bed to hard, and water to cold and so sorry I speak bad english.

So I did lye down.  She turned on the steamer, steamed my face for 5 minutes, and then applied the most wonderful smelling Chinese herbal acne mask.  Those of you, who have smelled ginseng mix of something something know what I am talking about...
She told me- I don't know why I like to smell it every day, but I smell this mask every day, because it smells so good. Just like good nature.

I am not sure was it herbal mix or SOMETHING SOMETHING, or was it her, but I wanted to burst out laughing, but i just nodded and said- Indeed, it does smell wonderful.  THen she went on- People think that we chinese know everything about Chinese medicine, but we don't . We just use it, because  we are chinese and it is good for us....  And it is cheeper than western medicine.. ANd sometimes it works, but sometimes it does not.
FAke stuffI Asked her if she has good Chinese medicine doctor to use? She said, she usually goes to her hometown to get all the medicines, because she does not trust lot of Beijing doctors.... ( Go figure- Because of us Stupid money paying  expats, Beijing is messed up)..

Anyway, we had 15 minute conversation about "stuff"...  She applied this wonderful Diarrhea    colored mask to my face. Then she applied  plaster- that hardened and was supposed to  push all the CHINESE medicine herbs to my skin, and make it really pretty..  I liked it,  I like stuff, that makes my skin tingle....

After  1 hour  we were done, and I left  United clinic smelling like , I just sat hour in some chinese medicine pot..
The whole procedure costed me 360 kuai. AND it was worth it.  New pleasant experience ( finally).

Next week I am doing light chemical peel. Pricy, but I need it. My acne is getting worse and worse, and I can't control it by myself anymore.

I think I am very brave to do so. My trip to Estonia is on 17th of Dec. I am going to experience some serious skin peeling  there...

Sunday, December 5

People in Cali should stop complaining how cold it is out there. You want cold? Come here to Beijing. Icy winds and  -4C weather is not fun weather.   I am finally experiencing  what I thought I would  like- 4 seasons, but no way Jose, I want to live rest of my life in climate where  you have to worry about your nose freezing off.
To make things worse, I decided to visit my family in Estonia this year. YES, it is even colder there, with snow and ice and  other yucky stuff that falls out  of sky. I am sure it will be beautiful , and magical , and enchanting. But come on, I am now 100% sure I will not want to grow old in Estonia.  I wish all my friends moved to southern Cali and we all lived happily ever after !!!

Also, past 2 days have been clear days, but before that polluted air was not what I really asked for when I moved to china. I knew it will be pretty interesting here, but   right now my interesting days are over, and I  started countdown  when I can move back to California.