Monday, December 7

Pulling my hair out.

( I Still hung up Reginas stocking)
Ups and downs,, highs and lows. Right now I am feeling very down. Christmas parties everywhere. Sunshine kids, starlight starbright, CHLA, CHOC neurosurgery patients partie, TO MANY TO COUNT. It brings tears to my eyes to hear about these parties. My heart is bleeding that we had to be part of this cancer world for years, and got used to THAT life. NOW I have to get used to "normal" life. I have to put on a smily face when someone tells me their kids is doing good. But only question I have WHY them? WHy can't REgina be here and doing good? WHy can't I Hug her and tell her how proud I am for what she has done.
Srry for this let it out session.
Missing her.
( Bunch of fun Estonians)


Tiffani said...

and it looks like you hung her bulbs as well. I would have done the same.

I miss her too. I miss updates on her and pictures of her beautiful face. I am sorry that you hurt. I am sorry for everything you have been through and all that you still have to face.

It looks like you have a great support network... assuming the girls in the pic are local. That is great to see. And you look great in that pic!

As always... thanks for posting. thanks for venting to us.


Patty said...

It's good you can have a let out session, everyone needs one now and then.

I had an old family doctor tell me one time, when I thought I was going through a depression period, if I felt like crying to cry, if I felt like screaming, scream, he said personally I break a lot of pencils. And he said if husband or kids wanted to know what was wrong to tell them just to leave you alone for a while until you felt better.
It seemed to work. LOL

The holidays will be the hardest for you, Gabriel and Nick. It's bound to be. Because you have some happy memories when you were all four together doing things. Hopefully it will get better, just grab on to little Gabriel and hug him tight.

Lori said...

I am sorry things are so difficult for you. I do have to agree with the above posters: let it out and don't apologize for doing so.
One question, though, are all Estonian women beautiful? I've never seen a group of so many attractive women...

Tiffani said...

Ha! Lori I was going to ask the same thing! They are ALL beautiful!