Tuesday, September 29
Forever in our Hearts
09/19/2009- Reginas tenth birthday.
09/20/2009-- Around 2 AM I woke up. Reginas breathing did not sound right. Something sounded very very very wrong. It sounded like she had lot of fluids in her lungs. ANd her heart was racing. I gave her some morphine and held her hand. I was scared, very very scared.
I gently opened her eye to check her pupils, and her pupils were completely dilated. I tried to keep it together .. But I knew we have not much time with her.
I called hospice around 8 AM and told them what was going on.
Around 9 AM Gabriel wanted to take family photo together. I showed him how to use tripod, and how to set self timer. We all gathered around Regina ,Gabriel set timer and ran to us... HE smiled, and flash went off.... We took couple of more...
as we were admiring Gabriel's photos, I heard Regina taking about 4-5 quick breaths in and one long breath out. IT was like butterfly was flapping it wings.. We all looked at each other,... I lowered my head to listen to hear heartbeat.. but it was no longer there......
I don't remember much after that. I remember texting my friend to get us some coffee, letting my other friend know that SHE is no longer with us.. and then hospice arrived.. Pastor Sam arrived...
I washed her, dressed her, kissed her, cried,.. we all cried... Prayers were said.
O'COnnor Mortuary came around 1 PM. Reginas hands and legs were cold, but skin around her heart was still warm.. IT was so hard to let her go.
I am glad that she is no longer in pain, but We miss her. I am starting to understand why people keep their loved ones on life support for a very long time. I get it. It is lot of work, but that person is still with us.. Selfish... I miss Her so much.
We had a chance to See REgina on Sunday 4.30 PM. We went to O'connor. Regina was dressed up in her Sleeping beauty nightgown, she was wearing her favorite poncho:) SHE LOOKED SO peacful and beautiful. It seemed like she was sleeping. I am so thankful for O'Connor for capturing true Regina and making her look like one.. ... .
It was very emotional afternoon for us. Very emotional...
Reginas Service on September 28th, was perfect. It was beautiful day. I am so Thankful for Saddleback Church and it's employees. They were nice enough to let us use it's facilities even though we were not members of this church.. And I met 2 wonderful Pastors. Pastor Samuel Lewis and Pastor Pat Geraldin. Sadly Pastor Samuel had to travel out of town... FAMILY FIRST :)... But we were not left hangin'. Pastor Pat did amazing job. I have no words to describe my emotional roller coaster on September 28th. One moment I was happy, then I was sad and crying, and then I was calm, and then nothing made sense.
About 580 People cam to Reginas Life Celebration. We had open casket viewing.
Rebekah from Saddleback sang.
Our Friends Xochitl, Heather, Kathy and Dr. Loudon spoke about Regina. BEAUTIFUL WORDS. RIGHT WORDS.
Pastor Pat Read My husbands letter . More Tears..
MOST beautiful moment for me was... When Estonias from Far and Near sand Lullaby in Estonian. "Uinu Vaikselt, Mu lind... ma valvan ju sind.... I sang this song to Regina every night in estonian and she knew every single word ... And at times she sang it with me... During this song I rememered these times with her, her smiles, her hugs, her words... MOMMY, I LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS BIG IS THIS UNIVERSE... and when I tried to love her more ;) She told me universe is MORE LOVe...
and then we had Dove Release 21 doves...
And then hugs..
And then Chilis with friends...
I am sorry, I can't write more right now. I can't ... We miss her . Gabriel misses her, Nick misses her, I miss her...
today was Cremation day.. We are taking her home tomorrow. We are going to keep her for a while. Not sure for how long.
I will write about more who were our helpers next time. I am so thankful for MY TEAM :):):):) THANK YOU .
AND THANK you for honoring our wishes about monetary donations instead of flowers. BUT thank you for those who sent flowers. :) It was perfect harmony :)
THANK YOU , THANK YOU, THANK YOU :)