Then we got to CHLA and surprise, surprise… there was no parking in CHLA. There are 2 parking lots and valley parking. BUT LOTS were FULL. At that point I rolled down windows and asked- WHAT NOW, my daughter has chemo and MRS… what the heck do you think I should do?? Parking attendant just told me – I don’t know… Find parking. I wanted to get out of my fucking car and shake her till she apologized to me for telling me this… Then after few more circles and few more PARKING LOT full signs.. I pulled next to hospital security dude..( very handsome African American dude BTW).. And I started explaining him that I HAVE TO GET INTO CHLA RIGHT NOW. I was not even yelling at him, when I started telling him my daughter has chemo and MRS I just started crying and asked him—You tell me, what I have to do? We are patients and we can’t get in. It is never been this crazy before? What is going on. For my surprise he started apologizing to me. He told me that he understand how frustrating it is to me, and he asked me to pull aside and wait for few minutes till he checks parking garage… Few minutes later he told me to make another circle around and he will open parking garage for me.. I started crying even more—thanking him like I never thanked anyone before… and crying like it was my last day on earth….
TO be honest, everything is just building up inside.. Today when we got back all nurses were like- DIANA AND REGINA, YOU ARE BACK…. Child life workers were happy to see us, few other people……. And I was glad to see them tooo…But then questions started HOW is
Luckily we were in CHLA and it is OK to cry in hemo/onc floor. Then we found out that 2 more of our good friends have relapsed- both with Medulloblastomas… And this was their second time … I got even madder then. WHY??? What have these kids done to this world? Truth to be told- real sufferers are us, PARENTS. Feels like every one of our “sins” has to be punished in a very manic way… Cancer sucks… and I have only one questions to those who have lived with it for 20-30-40 years… Do you ever get over fear that IT might come back? Or you just forget about it and live happily ever after?
ANYWAY. We are in CHLA now,
MRS is scheduled to Sunday 1 PM. Till then we just have to stay sane…