Something big, something very serious. And some words may hurt some of you. I have been avoiding lot of you. Especially those of you who have daughters.. and we used to hang out, do things, fun things, talk, compare.. Everytime I hear some of you say something fun about your daughters I feel pain. Every time I see 8,9,10 year old's walking down the street with fun outfits, I see Regina. Every time you brag about how well your daughters are doing, I feel like crying. And I eventually do. Sometimes I just leave conversation rudely and come back when I think I can hold alright conversation..
I really am doing my best, but is not as easy as I thought. I don't think it ever will be. :( I had great conversations with some of my cancer moms who have lost kids 6-7 years ago, and at times they still feel like I feel now, and it scares. I don't want people to feel afraid to talk about things with me, and I don't want them to feel angry at me when I stop them and say. Enough please. ..
I have been "nesting" in a way, or spring cleaning. I am freeing myself from things I could not give up because of Regina, because she loves lot of tiny nick nacks... And I had looot of those. few boxes full, well, before shelves full, but now boxes.... Well, in a way, I just try to keep myself busy at home. Walks, cooking, playing with Gabriel, reading, facebook, photos, Nick, lunches dinners with friends, dancing, and my wine and cheese... :D:D:D:D I also am getting myself mentally ready for China. 2 weeks ago I was not as ready as I am today. Nut I am not ready to sell our house with horrible real estate market. .. If you think you can pay 4000 dollars for rent per month for at least 15 months, this house will be yours ;) Great location, awesome views, perfect neighbors:D hehe.
Talk to you soon :)
2 comments:
Hi Diana
I think what you are feeling is natural and real friends should understand. I'm glad you're doing "your best". I think of you often. I even headed over to pms24/7 the other day to feed my hinger for your honesty and a good laugh. Stay honest. Talk to you soon.
Dymesha
Hi Diana- I check in every once in awhile to see how you are. I think of Regina often. Ellie is doing well. I am scared still about recurrence, well you know how I feel I am sure. We hit out 2 year diagnosis mark next month. Just taking things one day at a time - I know you are doing that as well. Moving to China huh? Wow... that's exciting! I wish all of you the best and I still hope you will keep the blog going.
Colleen :)
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