Wednesday, March 17

I have to admit something...

 Something big, something very serious. And some words may hurt some of you.  I have been avoiding lot of you. Especially those of you who have daughters..  and we used to hang out, do things, fun things, talk, compare..   Everytime I hear some of you say something fun about your daughters  I feel pain.   Every time I see  8,9,10 year old's walking down the street with fun outfits, I see   Regina.  Every time  you brag about how well your daughters are doing, I feel like crying.  And I eventually do. Sometimes I just leave conversation  rudely and come back when I think I can  hold alright conversation..

I  really am doing my best, but  is not as easy as I thought.  I don't think it ever will be. :( I had  great conversations with some of my cancer moms who have lost kids 6-7 years ago, and  at times they still feel like I feel now, and it scares.   I don't want  people to feel afraid to talk about things with me,  and I don't want them to feel   angry at me when I stop them and say. Enough please. ..

 I have been "nesting" in a way, or spring cleaning.  I am freeing myself from things I could not give up because of Regina, because she loves  lot of tiny nick nacks...  And I had looot of those.  few boxes full, well, before shelves full, but now boxes....   Well, in a way, I just try to keep myself busy at home.   Walks, cooking, playing with Gabriel, reading, facebook, photos,  Nick,  lunches dinners with friends,  dancing, and my wine and cheese... :D:D:D:D I also am getting myself mentally ready for China.  2 weeks ago I was not as ready as I am today. Nut I am not ready to sell our house with  horrible real estate market. .. If you think you can  pay 4000 dollars for rent    per month for at least 15 months, this house will be yours ;)  Great location,  awesome views, perfect neighbors:D hehe.

Talk to you soon :)


Dymesha Wheeler said...

Hi Diana
I think what you are feeling is natural and real friends should understand. I'm glad you're doing "your best". I think of you often. I even headed over to pms24/7 the other day to feed my hinger for your honesty and a good laugh. Stay honest. Talk to you soon.


Colleen said...

Hi Diana- I check in every once in awhile to see how you are. I think of Regina often. Ellie is doing well. I am scared still about recurrence, well you know how I feel I am sure. We hit out 2 year diagnosis mark next month. Just taking things one day at a time - I know you are doing that as well. Moving to China huh? Wow... that's exciting! I wish all of you the best and I still hope you will keep the blog going.

Colleen :)