Was I the only one who did not watch GLEE??

I am sorry all you Glee fans. I swear. I did not watch it. I did not like first 7 episodes and I did not get it.  But now, NOW I LOVE IT. Glee is one of those shows in my opinion that  needs time to get used to it.  Myself , I am more CSI, Law and ORder: SVU , Bones and Castle kind of girl and when Glee came along and everyone was excited, I was like. HUH? you like what? YOu are who? Gleek? What is that?

Anyway. Thanks to HULU I can watch Glee now.  Most recent episode was about "Christmas" . Well, it was formed after Grinch stole the Christmas. But what I was drawn to was that Cheerleader and her boyfriend who are in wheelchair.
She wanted Christmas miracle so badly , she believed in santa and all, and in the end she got it.  :D GOod for her. Her boyfriend got to walk  .. Even for a minute:D

But. If I believed in santa, and had one wish,   I am sure, you all know what I would wish for. ... EVEN writing this makes me tear up.  I was very angry with the show writers.    How could they write such a story, how could they  make some 17 year old still believe in santa, and in the end she gets her wish???

WHAT ABOUT ME?? WHERE IS MY WISH? Where is Regina?  Smiling, running, happy , healthy? Where is my wish  about NO MORE PEDIATRIC CANCER, no more brain tumors, no more kids dying because of   cancer? WTF? I wan't my wish NOW!!!

Oh ,  you have no idea how much work I still have to do before I find my "safe place". I am still lost in so many levels". At times I am still numb, I still hear other people blabbering about some weird pimple on their 2 year old, and I just smile and go. .OK, It will get better...  
I have one wish for myself.- I want to get better. I want to find safe place for myself. I  wan't to be me and not worry about people feeling pity  for me when I cry out of blue.
I wan't to get better.

Miss my Girl Regina to Pieces...

Smiles :D

To be honest, I am not a very big fan of Chinese traditional medicine  for many reasons. First of all- most ( but not all) chinese "medicine Doctors" in China   don't know what they are doing. They COPY really good chinese medicine doctors and  then sell  FAKE PROMISES, to stupid Westerners who believe everything they say.  Lot of chinese medicine drugs   are not mixed in right proportions and are completely different what  the "box says". Lot of chinese medicine doctors tell you--  YOUR STOMACH to cold, that is why You so sick. Keep your stomach warm...

Today I went to see my dermatologist here In beijing. She works in United  Family Hospital that is catered towards westerners, but lot of Asian locals who have money use it also. Anyway, I had acne facial today and   the smell of Chinese medicine herbs is still  lingering  somewhere deep in my skin..
. Procedure was fun. Nurse, who is about my age came in, told me.  Lie down, keep your shoes on, keep your clothes on. I am sorry, bed to hard, and water to cold and so sorry I speak bad english.

So I did lye down.  She turned on the steamer, steamed my face for 5 minutes, and then applied the most wonderful smelling Chinese herbal acne mask.  Those of you, who have smelled ginseng mix of something something know what I am talking about...
She told me- I don't know why I like to smell it every day, but I smell this mask every day, because it smells so good. Just like good nature.

I am not sure was it herbal mix or SOMETHING SOMETHING, or was it her, but I wanted to burst out laughing, but i just nodded and said- Indeed, it does smell wonderful.  THen she went on- People think that we chinese know everything about Chinese medicine, but we don't . We just use it, because  we are chinese and it is good for us....  And it is cheeper than western medicine.. ANd sometimes it works, but sometimes it does not.
FAke stuffI Asked her if she has good Chinese medicine doctor to use? She said, she usually goes to her hometown to get all the medicines, because she does not trust lot of Beijing doctors.... ( Go figure- Because of us Stupid money paying  expats, Beijing is messed up)..

Anyway, we had 15 minute conversation about "stuff"...  She applied this wonderful Diarrhea    colored mask to my face. Then she applied  plaster- that hardened and was supposed to  push all the CHINESE medicine herbs to my skin, and make it really pretty..  I liked it,  I like stuff, that makes my skin tingle....

After  1 hour  we were done, and I left  United clinic smelling like , I just sat hour in some chinese medicine pot..
The whole procedure costed me 360 kuai. AND it was worth it.  New pleasant experience ( finally).

Next week I am doing light chemical peel. Pricy, but I need it. My acne is getting worse and worse, and I can't control it by myself anymore.

I think I am very brave to do so. My trip to Estonia is on 17th of Dec. I am going to experience some serious skin peeling  there...

People in Cali should stop complaining how cold it is out there. You want cold? Come here to Beijing. Icy winds and  -4C weather is not fun weather.   I am finally experiencing  what I thought I would  like- 4 seasons, but no way Jose, I want to live rest of my life in climate where  you have to worry about your nose freezing off.
To make things worse, I decided to visit my family in Estonia this year. YES, it is even colder there, with snow and ice and  other yucky stuff that falls out  of sky. I am sure it will be beautiful , and magical , and enchanting. But come on, I am now 100% sure I will not want to grow old in Estonia.  I wish all my friends moved to southern Cali and we all lived happily ever after !!!

Also, past 2 days have been clear days, but before that polluted air was not what I really asked for when I moved to china. I knew it will be pretty interesting here, but   right now my interesting days are over, and I  started countdown  when I can move back to California.

How did I miss Thanksgiving? Not really, but  we did not celebrate thanksgiving this year on its official day. We had party week before with Nicks high school classmates who live in Beijing. THEY LOVED my cooking. They no longer think that WESTERN cooking is bad and  has no taste. YEAH ME!!

Now Christmas is fast approaching and I am no mood to celebrate it here. So that is WHY I , Diana Saare Tan , forced my husband to buy me 2 tickets to  Estonia.  2 because he has no desire to spend it in cold climate, since Beijing is cold anyway.. SO we got our tickets :D Gabriel and I are going to spend Xmas in Estonia.( Dets 17 - January2nd). We are also going to be part something big 

Years ago  when I was young and  innocent..lol, I remember when estonia got it's own currency--- EESTI KROON--. It was huge event.  I remember holding Eesti Kroon'i  and admiring how beautiful it is... Sadly, this is last year  Estonia has its own currency.  Estonian currency will now be EURO. SO, I am going to Estonia with Estonian Kroons, but get back to Beijing with leftover Euros.

 Nick will travel to US 4th of December and get back to Beijing 14th of December. Shopping trip to gather all  safe and somewhat safe products, because NOTHING IN CHINA IS  acceptable . I have seen how HONEY is made ( not honey at all), how pastry products are made and handled,... Even Tea... everything is FAKE. Fake , fake. 

In stores you can  by fake stuff IF you know who to ask.  90 %  brand name alcohol in stores is   not BRAND name, but  bottled in brand name bottles.  90% THAT's HUGE. Meat is full of antibiotics and hormones, and plates, cups , forks , knives ETC are sprinkled with extra heavy chemicals...  How do CHinese survive you ask? I DON't KNOW!!! I just know that 30 year olds who work hard look like 40 and older.

Now I don't cry because I miss Regina.. Now I cry because I miss REGINA and USA, and life as I like it. 

Lot has happened

To be honest I have been avoiding this blog.  I  opened it every day with intention to write you something cool  or share my feelings about Reginas One year passing anniversary, but I did not want to do it.  I know Regina want's us to be happy and not cry. Because every time we cried she was sad, and I don't want her to "be" sad. I think being away from cali on her Birthday and Passing anniversary was easier on ME personally, because I did not have to deal with US media-- tv, radio, disney land, legoland, her favorite artists.   I did not have to go to LNES and see her little friends who all attend 5th grade now.. We were in Japan,  doing nothing... To be honest, we did things she would not like doing like WALKING a lot, and eating some weird foods. BUT she would have enjoyed staying to hotels. SHE LOVED HOTELS.... Nuff that... We miss her, and  wish she was here.....<3

 Well, Beijing and China is pretty messed up if you ask me.  I AM HAVING FUN discovering CHINESE china, not tourists china.   It always makes me laugh inside when I hear from people, we went to this country, and ate at that western restaurant, and shopped at THAT store, and ten saw  this temple. etc... but that is about it.  I laugh because, really- you come to china as a tourist, you do things you do in US- why in the world would you come here at all???  To see how well trained  chinese are in  places that are meant for Westerners?  Forget your high heels,  make up, and GET OUT!!!! OUT to see what china or WORLD is all about.  FInd markets where locals shop, how they behave at places, how they bargain, how they dress. It is so much more of an experience than going to starbucks ordering--- upside down something with whipped cream and then texting at cell phone  for few minutes...( Kinda sorta like Nick is ;) )

Again, I have to be honest. It is not my Country, or my Place..  But I am trying to make it.  i am trying to make our apartment our home which is hard, because we don't know if we are going to be here or move to "boring suburbs".  Nick does not understand WHY i like chinese food, or WHY I like weirdness. We had couple of  arguments over HOW things should be done, and  our arguments ended --  him stating  " This is CHina, don't expect anything to be done right.". My question is, IF I don't demand, how things can be done right?  Who will hear my voice ?   Again-  "us customers have no voice". When something breaks, don't try to take it back to store- YOu will be blamed, not poor quality. When something tastes wrong-- You have a bad taste in your mouth-- it is not the food.  When you break a glass- you pay for it , and if you are in a car accident, it is your fault...haha..

So good luck to me.

Our schedule ..

Actually My schedule in Beijing is very busy.  I am one of those people that just loves to take "wrong" street and then just discover what that street has to offer to me :) So far I know  LOT  what happens around my area- well only about 8 KM radius in every direction.  . I have discovered couple of Methadone rehab centers about 2 km from us( side streets), couple of interesting farmers markets,  bazaar places, supermarkets,  cool looking buildings, clubs, restaurants in every corner,   parks, fun bridges etc. It is  not that hard to walk around here. It is hard to cross the streets, or bargain in marketplaces. I usually write everything down on paper, and if they don't like my price, I usually walk  away. Few times they yell something in Chinese , which means that they probably agree with my price.. Good for them. :D

We haven't shopped for furniture yet. I need few  traditional pieces mixed in with our contemporary rental furniture. Antique stores are everywhere. Nick just does not like going to those places that much. He can't handle the smell, and crowded  places. Me on the other hand, AM WILLING to shred a   tear or 2 to get what I need lol..:D  

Life in general is interesting here.  We have  cleaning lady coming in twice a week ( 2 dollars an hour for cleaning), we havent hired Ayi jet, since  we have lot of trust issues, and we hate  firing them later if we don't like them. SO we are just using our building cleaning staff. I let them know when I want them up here, and they will and clean for an  our - 2 cleaning ladies total 30  yuan. Not bad. If we are going to hire Ayi- "AUnty"- who comes to our house around 8 an and leaves 5 pm , then we end up paying around 3000 yuan== 455 dollars per month. She would cook( if we want), clean, organize, iron, hang out with gabriel... She would do pretty much everything, so I can spend  more time in Facebook........ Maybe not... But we are thinking about getting one  later.
Also-- I REFUSE to drive here. NO WAY Jose,. Again-- I need a driver, since Nick is exhausted driving to work every day-- 14  km takes him about one hour  and then at night another our in traffic. So when he gets home he is grump  44 year old man, who will bitch about  how much life in china sucks-- BTW, our nightly ritual...
 So , most likely I will get a driver  later-- HE pretty much has to hang out in front of our building all time ( if we hire him   full time) or part time driver will come when I call him and say-- tomorrow I need to go to visit my friend. I need you for 4 hours etc...  :D

ANyway- I do lot of walking here, lot of eating, lot of beer drinking -- Local beer is GREAT :D.  I also do lot of head shaking -- YES or NO, started taking Mandarin lessons-- SOOO FUCKING HARD...    after first- one hour lesson my brains went  kabooom and I almost gave up. So today I decided I AM NOT GIVING UP-- So I did one  more hour without tutor..  Luckily my tutor speaks very good english, and her teaching method is  pretty good.

I think I stop for now-- We have very busy schedule ahead of us- On friday the 17th we are going to Tokyo for 3 days.   On first of Oktober  we are going to spend couple of days with my  husbands family, and from there we  are going to Hong Kong.  I wanted to travel- So Now I am finally getting what I  wanted, and I am not complaining at all:D Life is beautiful..

BTW-- Reginas  "11th" birthday is coming up on september 19th, and her one year passing anniversary  RIP My beautiful Princess Regina:)    YOu are constantly in our minds :D

Forever in our heart, forever in our mind.
xoxoxo

Beijing as it is...

Through my  eyes...

 Beijing in interesting place , and people here live their life their way. They drive the way they want, and if they want to cross street slowly , they will do it, and no HOnking will get them off the road.. Sometimes when  we were driving around people started crossing wrong time-- WHem they see cars approaching, they usually stop in the middle of the road, so car  driver can decide witch way to go. IF they start running, then car drivers get confused, and most likely pedestrian gets hit. You have no idea how many times we have been face to face with pedestrians who are crossing street on some add places. BUT within a week I am expert street crosser..   crossing 16 lane  street is no problem for me .. ha!!!   But there are times I just roll my eyes and go- What the FUCK am I doing  here, I thought this life was out of my comfort zone. I   actually enjoy this  anonymous life.  Nobody knows  me, I don't have to wave at mornings or smile at every person I see . I don't have to have small talks with cashiers in   grocery store.  i don't have to take out my trash every wednesday night  or  drive 50 miles to  have real fun...

But I do miss my cali friends Xochitl, Maire, kristel, Christel , Kadi,  Elvira  and so on..    <3<3<3 I miss going grocery store and get stuff I need and not worry about how much MSG there really is. I miss my favorite restaurants and bars , where I know drinks are good, and food is delicious.

But I would not TRADE this experience  I am having. My life  finally has some sort of spice and fire in it, and I am going to explore what Asia has to offer...

See you all. Let me know if you want to visit us :D OR let me know if YOu know any ESTONIANS in beijing area ;) i would not mind speaking some estonian once in a while :D

Beijing

Beijing is pretty amazing place.   Our Park Avenue apartment is next to Chaoyag park-which is about 288.7  hectares large.  So we really do get little bit of everything- crazy city life and perfect green park with its amenities  all in one. Our apartment is on 27th floor, with amazing views to  everywhere.  It is very loud. SUUUPER loud when windows are open, but  even more amazing is this that when windows are closed we hear almost no honking or screaming or yelling. And trust me -- CHINESE LOVE honking. Honk, honk, honk..  pedestrians are not loved here. There is green light to cross the street -- and I almost got ran over by cars, and someone even yelled at me something in chinese-- I just raised my middle finger  and was in no hurry to "run away"... But yes, crossing a street can be a challenge.. One step forward , 2 steps back, slower, faster,   etc.. 

I am not complaining. I just find it  amazing, that  the moment you sit in your car, it becomes  target for honkers.. To slow- they honk, too fast-- they honk-- stop sign red light--- THEY HOOOONK..   I have to get myself pair of earplugs....


OH, another fun thing happened-- today I was walking ( about 8 mile  walk to discover what is around me ).. PEOPLE on cell phones are FUNNY!! SO I was walking, and suddenly i hear YELLING behind me, I turn around and there was one older lady, sitting on his bike and talking to  someone  and YELLING .  She was loud, loud , loud..  I wanted to tell her that   I think whole beijing heard what she was talking about, because I was not the only one who turned its head and stared...

To be honest-- I really like it here. I do.     The most I enjoy is that the moment I get out, There are  100 directions to go to and discover hundreds of fun or weird or whatever things  to do.   

I am sitting on my balcony right now and I have   this amazing view to stare at... I wonder what hides behind those buildings mile or 2 away...  I am sure I will find a way to get there and discover    as much as I can  ..

Right now I just take it easy MY way, which means  walking about 10 -14 km per day  and taking photos of things I find interesting :D