Wednesday, July 1
+++ Quick REminder. Reginas MRI on July 2nd, 5.30 PM in CHLA. I am nervous. More than ever before. This time around I have a very bad feeling. But again, most likely I am overthinking. After all REgina is not vomiting, not having headaches.
BUT, BUT, BUT-- she is favoring her left hand. STILL. AND eventhough she is on steroids, her right side is loosing its strenght. Today ( 1st of july) , was her worst day in balance wise. SHE IS IN GREAT SPIRITS :) THRIVING to do things, THRIVING TO LIVE AND SURVIVE, but her brain is not giving her a break .
ANyway.. If her MRI tomorrow is stable, then I am going to take her to my chiropractor to get her adjusted. It does not hurt to try. Her posture has been getting worse, and sometimes when I look at her sitting MY back starts to hurt. SO I am hoping there are some pinches nerves. ALSO her RIGHT leg and right hand are cooler than her left side. Very weird. Circulation problems?
I KNOW , I should be completely freeked out. BUT I am not. Seriously.. I am not. I am just worried. I know what it takes to make me go completely coocoooo... I know .... and even thinking about it makes me cry. So I try not to think about it...
AHH. Regina is such a sweatheart :) SInce nick and Gabe are in China, we have lot of Girl time. OUR house is quiet . TOO quiet. Not used to this silence... My favorite time is bedtime- getting REgina ready for bed. We have some deep conversations during this time... And today was no different.. REgina told me - Mommy, I dream about Long blond hair, and princess dresses and growing old. I dream about wearing a beautiful golden crown. I LOOK BEAUTIFUL. .... She pauses for a second and says. MOMMY< YOu are real queen. and daddy is king and Gabriel is Prince. ..... And she pauses... and smiles and smiles and tells me she loves and gives me biggest hug ever.
And you know what is my only thought that goes through my mind-- WHAT IF THIS IS HER LAST HUG? HEr last words...
I KNOW, I should not be thinking about it. But sometimes when I look at her I see sadness in her eyes. actually.. I see it often... ANd I wish it wasn't there. I wish I could help her more, . But saddly I can only support her and be there for her. :)
I really do love her very much.