Wednesday, July 1

Weird Times.

+++ Quick REminder. Reginas MRI on July 2nd, 5.30 PM in CHLA. I am nervous. More than ever before. This time around I have a very bad feeling. But again, most likely I am overthinking. After all REgina is not vomiting, not having headaches.
BUT, BUT, BUT-- she is favoring her left hand. STILL. AND eventhough she is on steroids, her right side is loosing its strenght. Today ( 1st of july) , was her worst day in balance wise. SHE IS IN GREAT SPIRITS :) THRIVING to do things, THRIVING TO LIVE AND SURVIVE, but her brain is not giving her a break .
ANyway.. If her MRI tomorrow is stable, then I am going to take her to my chiropractor to get her adjusted. It does not hurt to try. Her posture has been getting worse, and sometimes when I look at her sitting MY back starts to hurt. SO I am hoping there are some pinches nerves. ALSO her RIGHT leg and right hand are cooler than her left side. Very weird. Circulation problems?
I KNOW , I should be completely freeked out. BUT I am not. Seriously.. I am not. I am just worried. I know what it takes to make me go completely coocoooo... I know .... and even thinking about it makes me cry. So I try not to think about it...

AHH. Regina is such a sweatheart :) SInce nick and Gabe are in China, we have lot of Girl time. OUR house is quiet . TOO quiet. Not used to this silence... My favorite time is bedtime- getting REgina ready for bed. We have some deep conversations during this time... And today was no different.. REgina told me - Mommy, I dream about Long blond hair, and princess dresses and growing old. I dream about wearing a beautiful golden crown. I LOOK BEAUTIFUL. .... She pauses for a second and says. MOMMY< YOu are real queen. and daddy is king and Gabriel is Prince. ..... And she pauses... and smiles and smiles and tells me she loves and gives me biggest hug ever.
And you know what is my only thought that goes through my mind-- WHAT IF THIS IS HER LAST HUG? HEr last words...

I KNOW, I should not be thinking about it. But sometimes when I look at her I see sadness in her eyes. actually.. I see it often... ANd I wish it wasn't there. I wish I could help her more, . But saddly I can only support her and be there for her. :)

I really do love her very much.


Anonymous said...

Diana, my heart ached for you and your lovely daughter.Her name has been always in my prayers everynight. Luv you, be strong. GBU all

Katrina said...

Oh, Diana, your love for your daughter is so evident. You are very kind and brave to "stand naked" before us with your innermost feelings. And, in the totally consuming concern for Regina, you do not neglect dear Gabriel. You are Mother of the Year in my book. I don't know how many of us would be so strong. Believe me, I know in my heart of hearts that Regina is drawing strength from you. You give her daily infusions of LOVE, which is just as important, if not more so, than all the medications in the world.

I love you.


Dymesha Wheeler said...

Diana - Regina you're a wonderful mother. Regina couldn't have been blessed with a better mom. I think I have told you this before but my strength, strengthens me.

Joanna said...

How do you NOT think about it? She's not my child, and I think about her every day! I have written and erased about seven things in this little box... I believe in my heart we are all connected. I know it. Know that you have a family around the world of people who love you and are thinking of you daily, hoping for peace and grace and strength for all of you. Much love, many hugs, many blessings for you & your family.

Anonymous said...

Sending you the Biggest Hugs ever!

Maris C. from Chicago

Patty said...

I hope everything went well today. It has to be hard on you as well as Regina, with her Daddy and Brother both gone for a while.

I ask God every night to please watch over little Regina and make things easy for her.

I wish there was something more I could do to help her. Just know I think of her and her family often. Hang in there Mommy, she needs you. So happy you and Regina are having some good girl times together.

Colleen said...

Saying lots of prayers for a stable MRI.

You are Regina's mom and her biggest supporter, best friend, caregiver and yes, you worry and you cry and you would give your own life for hers. That is love and there is nothing more precious. I pray Regina will grow up and live a full life free of cancer. She deserves that.

All our love-
Colleen & Ellie :)

Anonymous said...

This made my cry also...


Anonymous said...

thinking of you this morning... hoping for a positive update this morning. sending loving healing supportive vibes to you and that princess of yours.