09/19/1999-09/20/2009

I know you all expected some sort of post from me.   You  had every right to do so. After all ,  it was Reginas Birthday and day later the day she earned her beautiful angel wings and halo.

I opened this blog many times  but I did not have right words to write down. Everything was just stuck within me.  As much as I wanted to push out my thoughts and feelings,  I could not .
I actually felt during those 2 days , that I was "helped" .  THe whole week was just very hard for me. I tried to keep myself as busy as possible, watching every crime drama there was, so my thoughts would not wonder to that day..  the day she passed.

I was doing great .. I really was. But the closer to her birthday , the more pain I started experiencing.  TO the point I just could not handle anything negative. I just cried...    I want to forget the day she passed away.  I actually want to forget the time  when I first knew that She will not make it till the day she passed away. Because I would never want anyone to see me like that. I would not want anyone to experience the pain I ( we ) all went through.  And seeing your love one dying  and not being able to do anything at all to save her... Just comfort. And not knowing if I am doing it right.  I think , that sometimes I feel her pain, because I think she want's me to feel it.  And I know one day I will be there and experiencing whatever she went through...

I miss her every day.  I miss her hugs, her smile,  giggles,  toys, moodiness, silliness,  her thrive to survive.
And I can't stand that I was not able to  make one of her biggest wishes come through... Her wish to live...

RIP Princess Regina.. xoxoxo.. One day....