Thank you all ( you know who) for your well wishes and emails  and comments. Past year has been real struggle when it comes to my relationship with my husband. We made some progress .. AND then  had some major setbacks, because I am just not willing to settle  .. FORGET PAST and move on..  You can never forget, you can move on, but not just MOVE ON.  It takes work, and work and more work.  And opening up about the things you never want to and tears and pain and mean words and more tears until everything is out here in front of us. I admit. I am really aggressive when it comes to talking. I NEED to talk, especially when I see the other person is "hiding" something, but he's words are like this... EVERYTHING IS OK.. REALLY?? It is not, I know, I see, I feel.  It is not ok. DOn't tell me you are a guy and you don't do the talking...  MAYBE when you are dating girl after girls you don't really need to do the talking, but when you choose somebody to be there for you  you have to, even if  you don't like  where talking can sometimes take you.

Nick once mentioned about some sort of quote  that he got on his cell about...".The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch swing with, never say a word , and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had."

I agree. THis quote came after I told him I WANT him to be my best friend. I WANT him to be my best everything. BUT it can't happen before he decides he wants to be that honest BEST person to whom I sit next to and understand right away. It will happen one day,  but till then we have still lot of work to do.. Maybe it never happens, but all I can say is.. I TRIED... :)

Those of you don't know. We are going to Estonia this year to renew our vows.  We never had any sort of party for US in Estonia. It has been always for kids... or me alone. But this time around we needed party and since we get along ( most of the time) we decided it is time to do it.   We got married on december 28th, 1998 in Las Vegas, so this year we would be celebrating our 14th year wedding anniversary....we had hell of a  14 years...  Regina would have turn 13 on sept 19th, Gabriel will turn 11 on june 22.

 I remember while ago I told someone that if someone treats me the way i have been treated I would leave right away... But it is not that simple. Actually , Easy thing is to leave.. Just turn back and you are out.  Who knows what future brings. We are all grown ups, Gabriel knows what is going on.

I guess we are just living life the way we supposed to. Nobody know the ending  or our happily ever after :)