Everything hurts.

Life as it is  is not as sweet as it should be.  It is Mothers day. What is Mothers day anyway? Day when all mothers feel spoiled and spend a day with their families having fun?
When Regina was alive, she was awesome :) She came up with the MOST creative ways of making me moms day breakfast, or cards. She even helped Gabriel with it.. Now  ...  Gabriel does not have it... Nick does not believe in holidays , or days like this.  He only does it because "i believe" in them and I believe in some traditions, and now he has been throwing this to my face...

This years  Mothers day started out weird.. I woke Up 9... The moment Gabriel heard it he ran into room and handed me card and Coffee from starbucks. I was really happy  that he did it :) I gave him hug and  said thank you :)

I walked into living room and there was Nick sitting behind his computer. I asked if he wants to have breakfast , he said, Gabriel and Him already had it  and HE could not wait till I get up... I was still hoping at that point that It was a joke.  I walked into Kitchen and Sink was full of dishes... I just cleaned up  night before, because I did not want My morning to be "cleaning" morning... There were no flowers, No food, No nothing, and to be honest I was upset. I really was.....

 I asked Nick why he was not guiding Gabriel to do anything more special. HELP him, etc... He said.. .He is not my mother, so he really does not have to help anyone to do anything. At that point I just broke down  and started crying. We had awesome time night before with friends and I could not figure out what went wrong.. It is like He had completely different personality. I did tell him that I am disappointed  in him and he yelled back .. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME.????


 He went back to sleep and I took gabriel and we went to gym. Since I can't drive here yet, we had to take a bus. And it takes about 40 minutes to get there ( 10 km). When we got to gym  HE WAS THERE.. I could not believe my eyes.     I tried to work out, but in the middle of my run I started crying again and I just could not take it anymore.  I told him we are leaving to have lunch .. he said. Whatever.   He did not join us. I HOPED, I really did... When we got to place, it was closed... OUT OF ALL THE sundays , this sunday PLACE was closed....  :( I was unhappy, Gabriel was unhappy, but we chose something else near by and ate our food:) Chit chatting and talking about stuff like.. If dad was here, he would  be making comments like -- WHY do you guys eat this shit, it is bad for you etc... And we ate , and smiled, and ate some more:)... Nick promised, that he will pick us up about 2. 30, after his meeting with "someone" is up.. He  changed his mind....  He did not... We walked home... :):):): In a way it was nice walk home,  Gabriel and I had a nice talk about  WHAT he likes, NOt what ( nick wants him to be), and   I could not believe what he trusted me... ANyway..  Gabriel is one amazing soul  and I want him to grow up the BEST and most successful person ever :) He deserves it :)

Nick has been throwing me hints all day long that He does not need to help Gabriel... WTF?? HOW come??/ Gabriel wants to have flowers... Flowers are 3 km away.. he wanted to buy a gift for me--- NICK HAD MONTHS to do so... Instead Nick said.. WELL, SInce you wanted to go out with your friends last night , I could not take Gabriel out to buy you a gift.... ALl I hear are excuses.

 I need a friend in him as well, but He can't be one because husbands are not supposed to be friends, and friends are overrated anyway...


 I tried to start a conversation about Regina, but I was shot down.. because in his mind, we had different relationships with her and We could not understand each other...

I don't have anyone else to take about it because I feel like I am bugging everyone with my pity problems....  I chose this life, so I should be  owning it....

But sometimes It just gets to much and when it does...... Everything hurts.....

I don't hate Nick... Far from that. I  love him.  I just think that Becoming CEO has completely changed him. He pretends to be good to everybody else but when he is at home, he dumps all his issues on us and does not care how we feel at times.  I hope he gets better soon.

I just need some hugs...  Lot of them... and real ones without questions asked :)

Again... I chose this life...