I opened this blog many times but I did not have right words to write down. Everything was just stuck within me. As much as I wanted to push out my thoughts and feelings, I could not .
I actually felt during those 2 days , that I was "helped" . THe whole week was just very hard for me. I tried to keep myself as busy as possible, watching every crime drama there was, so my thoughts would not wonder to that day.. the day she passed.
I was doing great .. I really was. But the closer to her birthday , the more pain I started experiencing. TO the point I just could not handle anything negative. I just cried... I want to forget the day she passed away. I actually want to forget the time when I first knew that She will not make it till the day she passed away. Because I would never want anyone to see me like that. I would not want anyone to experience the pain I ( we ) all went through. And seeing your love one dying and not being able to do anything at all to save her... Just comfort. And not knowing if I am doing it right. I think , that sometimes I feel her pain, because I think she want's me to feel it. And I know one day I will be there and experiencing whatever she went through...
I miss her every day. I miss her hugs, her smile, giggles, toys, moodiness, silliness, her thrive to survive.
And I can't stand that I was not able to make one of her biggest wishes come through... Her wish to live...
RIP Princess Regina.. xoxoxo.. One day....
