My Favorite Memories of Regina By Heather Andrini

I have so many happy memories of Regina. On the first day  of preschool I was pretty nervous. Regina was playing in a small group and said "you can play with us". I was really happy inside.
That night when my Mom picked me up from preschool I said," I have a new friend Regina!" After that , my mom says all I talked about every days was Regina. We started having play dates and sleep overs.

SOmething we liked to do was play dress up. We also liked to dance and sing together. We even took hula lessons together.
We had a lot in common. We are both chinese, we love ice cream and we both enjoy collecting webkinz.

Even though Regina was sick, she was always smiling, laughing and happy. Every time I saw Regina I had a blast with her.

We always wen to each other birthday parties, The last time I saw Regina, I sang Happy Birthday to her on her 10th birthday. Regina will be forever  ten and we will be forever friends. I MISS YOU , REGINA.

 Love Heather, 10 years old.

EULOGY For A Princess

It was a beautiful morning, the 20th of September, 2009. We opened up the curtains. We
could see the winding roads on the hills in the distance. The sky was blue dotted with
white clouds. We could even hear birds chirping. My wife said to me, “What a beautiful
morning. I love the autumn smell. The air is so crisp and fresh.” Out of the blue, my son,
Gabriel wanted to take a family photo. I have to tell you something here. My wife loves
taking pictures. She blew up quite a few computer hard drives by storing too many
photos. On the other hand, my son, as handsome as he is, really does not like his
pictures taken. We usually have to bribe him to take pictures with us by promising him
more game time or outrageous cash. But that morning, Gabriel wanted to take a family
picture. So we lay down by Regina’s side and took the picture. She had not been eating
for 13 straight days. Five minutes after we took a couple of pictures, we heard her
having a couple of short breathings. Then she left us. She left us on the second day after

her 10th birthday. Peacefully without pain. She left us knowing that we just took the last
family picture. She was forever 10.
Regina Melody Tan was born on the 19th of September, 1999 in Red Bank, NJ. I
remember the first time when I held her in my arms. She opened her eyes and moved
her lips as if she were calling me daddy. At that moment, I grew out of boyhood into
fatherhood. I made the promise to love her and to protect her forever.
She was a beautiful and smart girl. Watching her growing was a joy. I know, most fathers
think that their daughters are the most beautiful and smartest girls in the whole world. I
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do not disagree. Here I just want to tell you the story of her. How she fought her battle
against cancer. How she became my role model.
In May 2004, she was diagnosed with malignant brain tumor. After the surgery, as soon
as she opened her eyes, she told me, “Daddy, I want to become a doctor. I will not poke
kids. Poking is no fun.” It made me cry and laugh. The brain surgery was just a poke to
her. I cannot even look at the needle every time when I get a poke.
Right after the surgery, she got strong chemo and radiation therapies in St. Jude
Children’s Hospital in Memphis. Then again in June 2007, she had her relapse. At that
time, most doctors told us to give up. But we did not give up. Thanks to her mom’s
determination, we found Dr. Dhall of Children’s Hospital of Los Angles. Regina had
strong chemo again after surgery. She miraculously lived. In September 2008, she had
another relapse. She then had another two surgeries and gamma knife radiation. As her
surgeon Dr. Loudon put it, she was a trouper. She was baked, she was grilled. Yet, she
was still here smiling just like a normal kid. That was amazing.
You all must wonder how the past five years were alike. That was her story.
Thanks to my wife’s love and care and the support of our friends, extended family
members and even strangers, she lived a normal and happy life even for the past five
years. Yes, HAPPY life. I remember when she had her first treatment, she was
conscientious about her look. She would put on a hat to cover her scar when we went
out. She would put on a bandanna to cover her bald head. Yet, she grew to accept her
new look also thanks to her many friends and schoolmates. They never excluded her
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because of her look. She was surrounded by those wonderful kids. She attended school
even during her chemo sessions at CHLA as soon as her white cell counts bounced back.
She seldom complained pain. She enjoyed living very much, not lying in bed complaining
about suffering.
While she was losing her capability to walk, she would climb and slide the stairs by
herself. One night when I came home from a business trip, I carried her upstairs to sleep.
She told me, “Daddy, you do not have to wake up early tomorrow to carry me
downstairs. I can slide down the stairs.” Hearing her saying that and seeing her losing
her mobility made my cry. She was happy, no complaint. She accepted things without
whining and found joy in doing things while she could. Even towards her final days, she
told us again and again that she was happy and content with us by her side. She was
THAT happy. As a matter fact, for her final two weeks, she never complained pain and
she never cried. We did not see a single teardrop in her eyes. Her mom had to ask her
whether she needed morphine and most of the time she even said no.
She was daddy’s girl as evident by hair style. She taught me how to play Barbie and how
to play princess tea party. She would proudly tell everybody, my daddy was the best
Barbie player ever. We would dress up Barbie and Ken, pretending they would get
married and have many kids. She would cook so many different dishes.
Talking about cooking, it was her dream to become a baker and chef. She baked cookies.
She made sandwich for her mother on Mother’s Day. Of course she put too much onion
in it. She thought daddy said that onion was healthy, the more the better (Sorry, Diana).
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She loved to make salad for daddy. She would cut different vegis into small pieces. It
was not an easy task for a small kid. Consider this. At later times, she was losing her
mobility of her right hand, she could not even use her right hand to color. Yet, she
managed to make salad for daddy because daddy just came home from a business trip.
Every cut took a lot of time, a lot of concentration and a lot of strength. She wanted
daddy to know how much she missed daddy and how much she loved daddy.
She was also such a caring kid. She loved to take care of everybody. You know, taking
care of a cancer kid is never an easy task. You woke up in the night and sometimes you
barely got any sleep. It was my wife who took the lion’s share of taking care of her. One
afternoon, my wife was totally worn out. She fell into sleep on the sofa. Regina just had
a doctor visit and had her chemo. When she saw her mom fell into sleep, she took her
own blanket off, limped from her sofa to her mom’s, and covered her mom. I noticed
that she was shivering. I asked her, “Are you cold?” She said, “I am O.K. But mom is
sleeping. I do not want her to catch cold.” I could not help but crying. She was such a
caring person. She loved everybody. Every time when I took her out to the mall, when
she had her own money for shopping, she always remembered to buy something for his
little brother. She was a great big sister to Gabriel.
You might wonder how we managed to live with her cancer. It was simple. Because she
was a happy regular kid, always waiting for that sleepover with her best friends,
planning for her next birthday, writing Christmas wish list in the summer, and dreaming
of growing up. She was really easy to be content. She did not complain. Gabriel and I
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could make silly faces to make her giggle, even when she was totally bedridden. She had
fun in her short life. She brought happiness in our lives. She brought happiness to many
people’s lives in her path. And she taught us the most valuable lesson in life. She had the
courage to fight while she could; she had the serenity to accept what she could not; and
she had the wisdom to know the difference. And she lived a full and happy life.
Now she is no longer with us. But she will always be in our hearts. May you rest in peace.
Let us pray that we all have the courage to change things that we can; the serenity to
accept things we cannot; and the wisdom to know the difference. You, my baby girl,
were my role model, are my role model, and will always be. I love you forever, ever and

ever.

Beautiful Speech By Kathy Bell. She spoke these words on Reginas Life Celebration.

Kathy. I Hope you don't mind me posting it in my blog. I copy and pasted it from yours.:)

My name is Kathy Bell. Although I live with my family only about an hour away from here in San Diego, the first time I met Regina Tan was in November 2004, in Memphis, Tennessee at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital.

Five years old at the time, Regina was sitting on a blue sofa in the Target House apartment she shared with her mom Diana and her aunt Sija. She sat coloring, so beautiful, all forehead and eyes, her head smooth and unblemished except for the curved question-mark-shaped scar above her left ear.

My ten-year old son Steven was with me. He took off his baseball cap and showed Regina his own head, covered with a baby-soft layer of newly re-grown hair, except for the bald spot exposing the question mark above his own right ear, Steven’s scar a mirror image of Regina’s.

Regina and Steven were diagnosed with the same rare brain cancer, eight months apart. Regina was recovering from her second stem cell transplant, and Steven was in Memphis for his six month post-treatment checkup.

Discovering that your child has a life-threatening disease is like being dropped along with your child into the midst of a tidal wave, your child can’t swim and the waters are so rough that no matter how strong a swimmer you are, it will never be enough for the maelstrom you find yourself in.

It was in the midst of such turmoil that I was introduced to Regina’s parents Diana and Nick, a few days after emergency surgery to remove the malignant tumor found in Regina’s brain. We had just returned from eight months in Memphis with Steven after aggressive treatment to save his life. After considering their options, Nick and Diana decided to take Regina to Memphis for the same treatment that Steven had just completed.

There is a saying at St. Jude, you arrive with one sick child and you go home with thirty five. It is impossible not to come to love those little bald heads as they battle the devastating diseases they’ve been dealt.

And so we fell in love with Regina. We "adopted" the Tans and we followed Regina from afar, through radiation and four cycles of high-dose chemotherapy, along the same paths that Steven had traveled eight months before. We prayed for smooth sailing and a successful outcome. We prayed for her return to a disease-free childhood.

Regina has been living with cancer and the shadow of cancer for over five years, more than half of her life. Still, cancer was most definitely not what Regina was about and not what I am here to talk about.

So, what was Regina about?

Regina was about birthdays. On the day that Regina turned five, she was in the hospital in Memphis getting her very first dose of chemotherapy. Her sixth birthday was spent in more pleasant surroundings at Disney World in Florida, and when she got home she had a second party with her friends at Chili’s Restaurant. On her seventh birthday, she had a Disney princess party at her house. On her eighth birthday, Regina was at Ronald McDonald House recovering from chemotherapy, but there was cake and when her blood counts recovered, she had a proper celebration with her friends at home. When Regina was nine, her princess party was wedged between cycles of chemotherapy. And Regina’s most recent birthday could only be described as a miracle, it is so clear that she wanted to spend her tenth birthday here with her family, and so she did.

Regina was about traveling. She went to Disney World in Florida courtesy of Make-A-Wish. She went to China and 4 times to Estonia. She went to Big Bear and Palm Springs and San Francisco.

Regina was about fun activities close to home, Disneyland and Legoland and Sea World and Build-A-Bear and the American Girl Store.

Regina was about Hollywood and show business, backstage passes and meeting celebrities, Hanna Montana and Britney Spears and Miranda Cosgrove and the American Idol contenders. Regina appeared on the big screen in the movie My Sister’s Keeper, and received her first pay check.

Regina was about fun with her friends, even though her illness kept her out of school and away for extended periods of time. Sleepovers and swimming and dress-up parties occupied her time when her health permitted. While Regina was in Memphis she looked forward to returning home and having a sleepover with her best friend Heather. Heather waited a year to start kindergarten while Regina was in Memphis so they could start together when Regina came home.

Regina was about fashion and dressing up in fancy gowns and one of her goals was to be a model. Her clothes expressed her own unique tastes and individuality, princess dresses and elegant gowns put together from whatever she could find. She wore Hanna Montana and Hello Kitty and Sleeping Beauty and Tinkerbell and anything fashionable, feminine and frilly. She had certain favorite items, the pink crocheted cap she started wearing in Memphis that finally wore out and Diana crocheted her another, the pink Sleeping Beauty poncho that I once mistakenly called a cape, the pink Disney princess dress with the cap sleeves and bow and the rows of tulle and glitter.

One of my favorite images of Regina was on her first day of kindergarten. She rocked her first day at school in a plaid skirt with matching shirt and purse, pink tights with white polka dots and appliquéd ladybug, purple Minnie Mouse sunglasses, pink Disney princess rolling backpack and the pink crochet cap, and an I’m-ready-to-take-on-the-world smile.

Regina was about fighting for the simple privilege of being alive. Hidden beneath her petite frame and feminine attire was the heart of a warrior. When she relapsed with over forty new tumors in her brain, the doctors gave her two months but she took twenty seven. Even as her treatments were failing and her tumors were growing, she continued to set goals, she wanted to grow up to be a teenager, she wanted to be a fashion model, she wanted to be a chef and cook meals for Diana.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face. We must do that which we think we cannot."

Regina is a heroine. And even though they don’t believe it, so are her parents Diana and Nick, for the way they have looked fear in the face and done the thing that every parent believes they cannot, loving their child from the womb all the way up to heaven.

My family and I prayed and hoped and visualized a different ending to Regina’s story and along with all of you who loved her, our hearts are broken.

I have no magic words of comfort to offer, only admiration and gratitude and love and faith that the memory of Regina along with the help of all the friends in your lives who love you too, it will somehow be enough to help you face the journey that now lies ahead.

From the bottom of our hearts to the tips of the stars, we love you, Regina Melody Tan. Good night, sweet princess, may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

With love,
Kathleen

I need some AIR....

g





I am not even sure what bothers me the most. Most about me, most about REgina not being here, most about life. This all still seems like a one big joke to me. Very cruel joke. Very emotional joke...
I have been doing lot of thinking and I found answers to couple of important questions. ANd I have been talking about those few feeling with my friends.. Anyway.
Day to day bases I still hear from people, and people are still walking up to us and say how sorry they are. And they wish there is something they can do. :) Like one of my previous post made few of you really upset I want to clarify something.. I am not perfect. I am me. I am living breathing things who has feelings. Lately I did not understand this about me. WHY did I get so angry at everything, and some of you may think that I am angry at you.. NO. That is not the case at all. I don't hate you . I don't hate you walking up to us and telling how sorry you are.. I HATE sometimes how simple heartfelt words make me feel. Sometimes they make me feel angry, sometimes, simple "I am here for you " makes me cry, sometimes I have no feelings at all. Anyway, I just need time.. AND Again, There is no hate in me towards you. I HATE my hateful feelings. ANGRY feelings... And I can't do anything to make it better. Don't tell me to take drugs or seek professional help. If I can't help me , Nobody can. But I have a good feeling that one day, I learn to manage( lie) about my feelings, and can enjoy life without guilt :)

Other thing is.. I was just driving to LA yesterday, and I had lot of thinking time. LOT OF. Anyway.-- I had full makeup on, My nails done my dress on, pink shoes, I was wearing the cutest necklace ever ( Thank you friend". I was feeling amazing. I actually felt really cute at that moment.. I was driving to Evening with the Stars, A benefit for The Desi Geestman Foundation. I knew that this night was going to be emotional for me because Desi passed away 10 years ago.. ANd I just lost REgina .. And Ileana was the one who helped REgina to get a part in My SIsters Keeper...
And As I was driving I just started crying. ALl I could think was- Regina never saw my cute pink shoes. SHe would have loved my shoes, she would make a comment like - ONE DAY when I grow up Can I have your shoes? ANd I know She would have enjoyed going there and taking photos and posing.. I tried to pull it together. Wiped off my giant salty tears and turned on Radio.. AND OF COURSE Reginas latest fave song was on again-- TAILOR SWIFT LOVESTORY... And I could not pull it togehter.. I cryed few more minutes.. And started thinking more... About different things... Our social worker ( trinity Kids care), send Gabriel book about Lifesycles. To be honest I did not like that book very much. It was too general . But as I was driving and thinking It just appeard to me out of a blue that WOW, REGINA actually had a full life. She was born, SHE went to school, she had a job, she had her first paycheck, paid her taxes got a tax return and peacefully passed away. Regina lived her dream. ANd with our help she had everything one 10 year old would ever wanted to have. ( Crap, she did dream about Iphone and laptop for this Christmas)... but you see what I mean... Reginas LIFE was THE LIFE. Within her lifetime she showed us that IF we do what we really want to do we will be better and happier people. ANd I was happy taking care of her. :) Even though She lived her life to THE MAX, it does not take MY pain away. IT does not take away my sadness and tears. I still MISS her. And I will always miss her and carry her in my heart.... ..

Anyway, back to Desi Geestman foundation event. I got there 20 minutes early and saw Ileana righ away. I gave her scrapbook that I created with all the photos from My sisters Keeper set ( NO I did not take photocopies of that scrapbook). AND when Ileana gave e one hug, I just started crying again. But I managed to pull it together. Got my VIP wristband and went to see what's up :)
OMG. Ileana and her Team did such a wonderful job pulling this event together. Lighting, music, people, food, drinks. Emotions:) Hugs, smiles.. It was night to remember. :) I was sitting on table 23 WITH band named International Farmers. They do reggae music. Fun , young awesome artists :) Well.. After food was served and people finished eating it was time to meet and greet Celebrities . There was about 20 something Soap Opera stars. I Don't watch many soaps, but I did take pictures with 3 "Big Guys" :)

Ted King( General Hospital), Ken Davitian ( fat guy on Borat), and AND AAAAANNNNNDDDD Ronn Moss ( The bold and the Beautiful).

While I was looking around to find some people I KNOW, My EYE stopped on one blond very energetic lady. I was looking at her and thinking. I KNOW HER, I am not sure, from where, BUT I KNOW HER... So hour passed.... Finally I walked up to her and asked... "excuse me, did you Volunteer in CHLA??).. And she said yes. She was all dressed up, and make up was done, and hair was flowing... ANyway, her name is Elizabeth MacDonald, and she was one of our favorite volunteers in CHLA, and I was not expecting to see her in this event, since mostly it is about City Of HOpe hospital... But We did meet once again, and I Told her That Regina had passed away.. Was not easy thing to do... I teared up again... She hugged me, and she gave me her card... And that was it for that moment...
But when I was about to leave, ( 9.45PM ) I saw her once again, and I told her, I have to take off now.. ANd Take care.. BUT, She was next to Ridge Forrester - ( Ronn MOSS), from Bold and the Beautiful, and everybody was taking pictures with him. I think he IS te biggest soap star ever. I was already crying , and then Elizabeth said.. to Ronn.. I want you to meet someone special who just lost her daughter to Cancer.. ANd this time I lost it big time.. Like Major Drama big time. I think I was even shaking a little because I just felt this intolerable pain inside... Ronn just wrapped his warm welcoming arms around me, gave me the BIGGEST warmest hug, kissed my hair, and said something... .. ... And I wiped my tears and Thanked him for being part of such a great organization and then we took a photo.. And to be honest.. IT was perfect ending to a perfect event... Thanks again EliZABETH...
Sadly I had to drive back to Placentia ( Gabriel was at Maire and Steves house, second night in a row for a sleepover), and I could not drink ... ( I had 2 oz of wine, and that was it :( )
Steve made the biggest Sunday Morning breakfast... SPICY Omlette, and Pancake and it was YUMMOOOOO.

On Friday Night I went out With "my Girls". Went and did some CLubbing @ King King ( house club).

Today, Gabe and I and Xochitl family went to see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs ( 3D,) and I am about to leave my house to have dinner with Beth and Heather :) I am happy I have things to do.. But there are days I NEED SOME AIR.. I can't breathe. ANd on other days I am happy as Can be. These feeling are not so new to me, but Right now I am more aware of them.. Trying to control them , but I just need more time. :)

(( HUGS TO YOU ALL) AND don't be scared of me.

Days..

(Our Morning visitor)

r

Days go by very very very fast. I am still not doing much. ( Besides of eating)..
I can't apologize for what I said my previous post. I would be lying to myself. I know , People are now afraid to TELL me things, or approach me. Sorry-life sucks, My feelings suck and I am not going to just stand and smile. I have a voice, and I want to use it..

, and if you don't know what to say YOU DON't have to say anything. Smile, is fine, turning your head away from us is fine.. WHatever works for you :)

Few days ago I had very hard time with Reginas notebooks, papers with her writing on it, her school papers.. I SAVED cases full of her things, because she wanted me to do so. I just could not hold on to those things . One reason why I kept them and did not throw away without her knowledge, I was hoping she would grow up one day and show proudly to her kids what she did in school, how neatly she can write and color and draw.... But..
Anyway, I asked Gabriel what he thinks about us burning Reginas papers , so she can have them "up " with her. .. Gabriel LOVED my idea and he also now draws REgina pictures and we burn them once a day in our fireplace...
We still have LONG way to go. LOONG way.. I save some of her drawings and cut out her HEARTS( she drew hearts to every where), and clue them to scrapbook. :)

(Reginas latest favorite pair or shoes, also covered in hearts)

Now, Phrases that don't help.
It was God's will
(first find out what the survivors religious belief is)

Be thankful you have another child
( this lessens the importance of the child who died)

I know how you feel
(none of us knows exactly how someone else feels)

Time will heal
( time alone does not heal, though it helps. People need time as well as the grief process)

There must have been a reason
( perhaps not, life is not always fair or reasonable)


PHRASES THAT DO HELP.
("Door Openers"

This must be very painful for you
(then the griever feels free to describe the pain)

You must have been very close to her
(the survivor can then talk about the relationship)

I have no Idea what it must be like for you; I've never had a child die. Can you tell me what it's like

It must be hard to accept

I really miss Regina. She was a special person. But that can't compare to how much you must miss her. Tell me what it's like
( then listen).

These are just few outtakes from Care letter ( guiding me through life's passages( O'Connor Mortuary ). And for my surprise 4 page "letter", was first letter that I was like OMG, THIS IS HOW I FEEL, AND IF this was perfect world, people would understand everything.:)


It is just me and Gabriel till thanksgiving:) Hopefully I will find enought things to do with him ( BOY THINGS). IT is all new to me.. JUST BOY things.... Little different....

Gabriel Misses Regina to pieces. Most of our conversations include Regina. He also asks WHEN will he see REgina again,and IF he gets old and dies, HOW can he find REgina. :(
I just told him to think about Doves... ( dove release ). And then he would say.. BUT daddy and you die first and get to see REgina first, and that is not fair. :(:(:(:(:(
(()))

I have lot to write about. Things that people say that they think are comforting but they are so WRONG, and things that people say that make me go yes, you are right.. But I am not going to write about it yet... I let you all think about something very cruel. Most of you have told me that YOU CAN NOT Imagine loosing y0ur child.. But now think.. If this happens, what you don't want to hear from friends, strangers, family members... DO you want to hear, "She/he is in better place ( I started using this MYSELF, after I heard it from so many people, but I believe it is very WRONG to someone else to say it), do you want to hear, MOVE ON, GET OVER IT? DO you want to hear, THINGS WILL GET BETTER? DO you want to hear -- I UNDERSTAND what you are going through?

I am not saying anything today. I am not going to explain how I feel about comments people say to us today.. Maybe tomorrow.
BUT, I am going to say. Don't tell me she gave up. Don't tell me she was weak.. STOP RIGHT THERE... Once -I let it slide, I just smiled and walked away, second time person who told me this, got a "speech" about You F. bitch kind of speech. .. I have no fear right now. I don't . I am done with BS, and I take no BS. If you get a parking ticket and bitch about it- SO WHAT, Pay it up and move on. ... It is your fault... RIGHT???

Srry. Just have to let it out today..


Missing my Princess Regina.

I do miss Regina, we all do. It is very hard FOR ME , to enjoy things without her. I constantly think about her, and feel guilty about some things.. I just realised HOW much I did for her. Even around our house. Colors to stimulate her, Of course I asked her before I did paint rooms in our house, toys everywhere, her favorite music, , her favorite books, mugs , plates bowls... cupcake pans and inserts. Her favorite chips are still in my pantry, and her spicy noodles are waiting for something...

,.. We have LOT OF REGINA IN OUR HOUSE ... I feel happy and sad same time. happy , that I have learned so much from her, and sad, that She can't teach me and be here for me anymore. I still remember those times when she bought me glass of water when I coughed couple of times...

I still can't go to Sephora store because it was one of her fave stores..
..
Past few days I have been trying to go into stores. I get in and then get out as fast as possible. I just drive around from parking lot to parking lot and take deep breaths in.....
It is very hard to pass girls department in Target, or wall mart, or Childrens place and justice. Stores are full of cute and adorable girl clothes, and RIGHT NOW, Reginas favorite styles are in...

Anyway.. I do laugh, and smile and go to places and bars. But it is different. My worry is replaced with Missing her. Before I worried constantly when I left her with sitters, NOW I miss this worry. We humans are hard to please..

Anyway...
I want to thank few people about Making Reginas Life Celebration special.
FIRST--- O'COnnor Mortuary..- Reginas Make up was amazing. SHE looked so "alive", so peaceful, so calm. SHe looked almost.. .. Alive... And to see REgina like that I knew she was well cared for.

I also want to thank Risa . SHE IS AMAZING. Thanks to her Tent number 2 looked "Very Regina". Pink, balloons, funeral program, Reginas Buttons. SHE is the one who helped with My vision, and SHE DELIVERED IT!!!! Thank you Risa. ALso, she is one of the most talented woman's I know. Whatever she does is PERFECT- Her face paintings, Her glitter tattoos, her weddings, and now Funerals.... I don't know how she does it, but she does it well... :) Thank you Risa:)
http://www.colorfulfaceart.com/aboutorangecountyfacepainter.html


Also, Talbert Family Foundation has been very, very helpful over past few years. :) Julie Talbert has been collecting all your helpful donations and sending them to us. Funerals these days are not cheap, and medical bills are still coming in... Blah....
http://www.talbertfamilyfoundation.org/

Thanks to Friends Jennifer and Andrea we found photographer Chad, who we hired to take photos of Reginas celebration of life. We don't have his photos yet, but soon...
http://www.narkchareonphotography.com/

Since our families from China and Estonia could not attend Reginas life celebration, I felt it is very important to get this important event videotaped ( dvd), so we could send copies to Estonia and CHina. . Thanks to chaplain Brad Stetson , Ph.d ( www.bradstetson.net), we found Earl Chesser , and he was the one who videotaped everything. We will get the full video in a week or so. http://corelann.com

AND friends who made Rice crispies, sugar cookies, chocolate chip cookies, brownies, cupcakes.

Saddleback Church, who opened their arms and let us use their facilities...


And all of you who have brought dinners over, donated money, flowers, cards, calls, texts, hugs, kisses... Gabriel sitting offers. and more..

THANK YOU :)

Forever in our Hearts

09/19/2009- Reginas tenth birthday.
09/20/2009-- Around 2 AM I woke up. Reginas breathing did not sound right. Something sounded very very very wrong. It sounded like she had lot of fluids in her lungs. ANd her heart was racing. I gave her some morphine and held her hand. I was scared, very very scared.
I gently opened her eye to check her pupils, and her pupils were completely dilated. I tried to keep it together .. But I knew we have not much time with her.

I called hospice around 8 AM and told them what was going on.

Around 9 AM Gabriel wanted to take family photo together. I showed him how to use tripod, and how to set self timer. We all gathered around Regina ,Gabriel set timer and ran to us... HE smiled, and flash went off.... We took couple of more...
as we were admiring Gabriel's photos, I heard Regina taking about 4-5 quick breaths in and one long breath out. IT was like butterfly was flapping it wings.. We all looked at each other,... I lowered my head to listen to hear heartbeat.. but it was no longer there......
I don't remember much after that. I remember texting my friend to get us some coffee, letting my other friend know that SHE is no longer with us.. and then hospice arrived.. Pastor Sam arrived...
I washed her, dressed her, kissed her, cried,.. we all cried... Prayers were said.

O'COnnor Mortuary came around 1 PM. Reginas hands and legs were cold, but skin around her heart was still warm.. IT was so hard to let her go.

I am glad that she is no longer in pain, but We miss her. I am starting to understand why people keep their loved ones on life support for a very long time. I get it. It is lot of work, but that person is still with us.. Selfish... I miss Her so much.

We had a chance to See REgina on Sunday 4.30 PM. We went to O'connor. Regina was dressed up in her Sleeping beauty nightgown, she was wearing her favorite poncho:) SHE LOOKED SO peacful and beautiful. It seemed like she was sleeping. I am so thankful for O'Connor for capturing true Regina and making her look like one.. ... .
It was very emotional afternoon for us. Very emotional...

Reginas Service on September 28th, was perfect. It was beautiful day. I am so Thankful for Saddleback Church and it's employees. They were nice enough to let us use it's facilities even though we were not members of this church.. And I met 2 wonderful Pastors. Pastor Samuel Lewis and Pastor Pat Geraldin. Sadly Pastor Samuel had to travel out of town... FAMILY FIRST :)... But we were not left hangin'. Pastor Pat did amazing job. I have no words to describe my emotional roller coaster on September 28th. One moment I was happy, then I was sad and crying, and then I was calm, and then nothing made sense.

About 580 People cam to Reginas Life Celebration. We had open casket viewing.
Rebekah from Saddleback sang.
Our Friends Xochitl, Heather, Kathy and Dr. Loudon spoke about Regina. BEAUTIFUL WORDS. RIGHT WORDS.
Pastor Pat Read My husbands letter . More Tears..
MOST beautiful moment for me was... When Estonias from Far and Near sand Lullaby in Estonian. "Uinu Vaikselt, Mu lind... ma valvan ju sind.... I sang this song to Regina every night in estonian and she knew every single word ... And at times she sang it with me... During this song I rememered these times with her, her smiles, her hugs, her words... MOMMY, I LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS BIG IS THIS UNIVERSE... and when I tried to love her more ;) She told me universe is MORE LOVe...

and then we had Dove Release 21 doves...

And then hugs..


And then Chilis with friends...

I am sorry, I can't write more right now. I can't ... We miss her . Gabriel misses her, Nick misses her, I miss her...
today was Cremation day.. We are taking her home tomorrow. We are going to keep her for a while. Not sure for how long.



I will write about more who were our helpers next time. I am so thankful for MY TEAM :):):):) THANK YOU .
AND THANK you for honoring our wishes about monetary donations instead of flowers. BUT thank you for those who sent flowers. :) It was perfect harmony :)

THANK YOU , THANK YOU, THANK YOU :)

--Forever in our hearts-- UPDATE--

Update Sept 22nd. Those who have volunteered to bring Reginas favorite sweet treats, PLEASE MAKE IT NUT FREE- NO peanuts, no WALNUTS, NO PECANS, NO ALMONDS OR ALMOND PASTE-- NO HAZEL, BRAZIL or any other nuts. Treats with nuts will find it's way to trash . Srry guys, Regina was allergic to nuts. I know it does not matter now, but I want this event to be HER Favorite Things.... AND NO STORE BROUGH DESSERTS PLEASE !!!

Mark your Calendars.
September 28th.
Open casket viewing from 3-4 PM. Reginas favorite sweet treats and coffee will be served.
4-5 Service.
SADDLEBACK CHURCH CAMPUS IN LAKE FOREST
TENT #2
http://www.saddlebackfamily.com/site/provider/siteprovider/saddlebackfamily.com/templates/servicetimesanddirections/campusmap.pdf

IN LIEU OF FLOWERS PLEASE MAKE DONATIONS TO REGINA'S MEMORIAL FUND.
THE TALBERT FAMILY FOUNDATION WILL DONATE 100% OF THESE FUNDS TO REGINA'S FAMILY
http://www.talbertfamilyfoundation.org/pages/Regina.html


Obituary is set up on O'Connor website.
http://obit.oconnormortuary.com/obitdisplay.html?id=708509&clientid=oconnormortuary

Our sweet Princess is no longer with us . She took her last breath 9.15 AM, septeber 20th, 2009. She was peaceful and pain free. Forever 10.

We Miss You Regina and We love you forever,and ever and ....

:) Regina had a very calm day :) I even told hospice nurse that she does not need to come and see her today:) AND... AND.. AND... THis morning when I was kissing and hugging her and telling how brave she is, and how much I love her -- SHE TOLD ME , with her sweet angel voice-- I LOVE YOU TOOO.... :) AWWWW . IT was great to hear her voice.. so great :)

AGAIN- . You guys-- I am not a supermom. I am just one mom who cares about kids and KNOWS what is best for my kids :). ANd I feel so honored that I am surrounded by loving people like you ::) This week we got some pretty awesome dinners- Native foods, starbucks, Macaroni Grill, home made casserole, costco rotissery chicken and fruits :) OH, and thank you for asking how Gabe is doing :) He is such a Great kid.. I promised him I will not BLOG about him ( he is WAY more private than Regina and I ), so I can't tell you much more, BUT, he is awesome :)

( Regina will be 10 on Saturday) She was born on 09/19/99 And her birthday is on 09/19/09 Pretty cool :)

( Reginas 9th birthday, 2008)

Regina had a very restful and peaceful night. I gave her Ativan to relax her and morfine to take her pain away around 9 PM. After that I gave her Morphine once again 2 AM and last time I gave it to her was 9 AM. She has been very calm , sleeping of course, but nothing like yesterday. SHE has started sweating a little ( expected ).Last night she spoke to someone few words in her language . Seemed like it was happy talk, tone of her voice was good :) She has not been responding to us at all. But I know she hears us. Once in a while when drugs start wearing off, she hears our voice and blinks more often with her almost closed eyes :) I am happy that she looks so peaceful and is pain free .

( 2009 , couple of days ago) Lifetime Queen :)

( Thank you for praying for her/us), thank you for texting us, and calling us, leaving comments:) I do feel your love and support, I really do :):):):) You all are big part of our lives now:)

Regina will be 10 on 3 days.... 09/19

Update 4.54 PM. Regina is resting peacefully. Seems like she is finally getting some quality sleep.... Nurse told us to keep her on 6 MG of morphine every hour or so, and if she gets irritable again to give her some Ativan to help her relax.
My mind is blank right now. I was crying like there was no tomorrow, and right now I am somewhat numb.. What is this ? Why cancer is doing this? WHY can't she communicate with us? WHAT is she holding onto? What are we not really getting?

I know you all are keeping Regina in your thoughts and prayers.

Past night was very tough night. Regina was not comfortable and pain meds seemed not to be working. She was very restless and her breathing was restless. This morning I called hospice and told them what was going on. Now I give her 6mg of morphine every hour to keep her comfy. She still has to work hard to breath in, she will have few ok breaths, and then some loud and deep ones.

I hope she is not in pain. She has been sleeping since 9 AM and seemes not, but I don't know. We were also told that maybe today is the day.. we are very heartbroken..

Regina had uneventful weekend. Usual for her. . Sleeping, 6 days no food. ANd max 2 oz water per day.. and even that 2 oz comes out fast... We asked Hospice care about fluids, but we were told that it could do more harm than good. Harm - her brain is not hungry and pushes out all extra fluids. IF we hook her up with IV fluids, her body will retain fluids and she will be very uncomfortable and vomit even more... So we just try to keep her comfy with pain meds and steroids and anti nausea meds..
She is not really responding to anything much these days. IF i ask her if she has a head ache she just says mmhm or mmh( yes). And that is it. I love you sounds like this-- i awu... She is very weak but she looks comfortable.
We had few visitors today. REginas best friend Heather came to see her, and then Pastor Samuel Lewis from Saddleback said a beautiful prayer..

Again- THANK YOU for dinner. Mangia Bene was Awesome and Corner bakery salads were great choice :) Thank you:)

Gabriel is doing ok. He has lot of questions and wants to know everything about Death and dying. I am not really hiding anything from him and telling him how things really are. SO if he says something really bizzare... blame it on me. Bad Diana... No cookie for you ...