Tuesday, June 14

Upset, and missing my Girl.

I just watched The real housewives of OC reunions.   I was angry.  Not because  gretccccchen  or Alexa   but because  how  Slade has no compassion towards his ex and their son.  I was in awww when I heard not a single word about  I hope G gets better, or cancer never comes back, or  WE ( Gretchen and Slade ) going to be there for Gray forever..  I WAS MAD. 

When Regina was patient in CHLA we had the chance to see slade and his son couple of times in CHLA.       Let me tell you. I was not surprised.  All the nurses were around them, babying, awing. hihihihiing  and so on.  Of course "he was a celebrity" . I even told slade when passing him that I LOVE the show he is on.  And I did  not lie . I really love OC housewives. B U T 

 WHen I went to CHLA I already had  history with St Jude. ANd awesome history. I was trained well to take care of cancer patient.   In CHLA at first I hated it.  Everything was done differently.   REgina had broviac line and her dressing was changed differently.  First time we got a rude asian nurse. And Now I get it why she was rude. In asia people are like this.  THey don't care if someone gets hurt . They are just doing their thing. ... And regina got hurt during her  dressing change.  Nurse rubbed her  skin with rubbing alcohol until she was RAW. Her skin was red and she was in tears, but she was not crying.  I told the nurse to slow down and do it in my way, because I know what works with my girl. ..  Nurse did not listen to me.  She said this is how it  is easier to do for her.

 I called  to CHLA the same day and complained and I got  reply from head nurse or whoever she was.   " I am sorry mrs Tan , we know you are   experienced  MOM, but we actually have the best    system to change line dressings  and  blahblahbalba... I just listened to her and told her... IS IT OK TO 7 Year old skin to start bleeding during line change? Is it ok to get infected while her counts are low?   I was told sorry and we look into it.... And from that  day on THAT  NURSE never really spoke to me again. BUT she did spoke to other cute cancer patients. and I felt sick. I don't like that nurse to this day.  She was taking sides , and not thinking about patients.  
And  that nurse was always all over SLade and his son. I was it , we were right there getting hard chemo, Regina throwing up ,  sad.....

  But whenever we got there, she never even made eye contact or bothered to say HI, Regina, how are you doing. You are so cute today, Look at your dress... We saw how she treated other patients, She was very selective......    I felt she was very unfair. 

BUT ,, Regina did have her favorite nurses one of her was Marlene.  She always made us smile and laugh.:)  And we are thankful that we get to see such an passionate person who truly cared about her patients.   Everybody loved her.

Anyway. I know, I still feel bitter towards some people in my past, but I can't change it.  I know it is time to give up and move on  and focus all the good there is.  But at least once a week I hear stories from people I know how their loved ones were miss treated..... just because...

 AHH... I just hope that Slade will  step out or Gretchens shadow and starts   doing what he is supposed to.       Being a mom to a cancer kid is hard,  and I can't imagine how hard it is to have an ex who is dad to that boy who's lis fighting hard every day to  m a ke   it   work.
I just hope  it stops soon, because it is not right.

OC  housewives and husbands need to grow up...

Sunday, June 12

My updates are as rare as rain in Beijing.  It is extremely hard to please my bilingual crowd.  Living in China  is not easy, and writing  in English in CHina is very hard. I really do prefer Estonian language  here. Very weird. English is not my first  or second language. It is my 4th language.  I was born in Estonia and my first language was Estonian. I think in third grade I started learning  Russian, and then  in high school I mastered my beginning level of Finnish. I think I was alright in finnish.   And right now I am studying mandarin Chinese.   IT is hard. VERY hard. I can understand a lot, and I nod my head when people tell me something, but I can't answer to all the questions yet.   My vocabulary is basic, but I am learning every day new words. I guess I am just way to shy and self conscientious about how I say it and because  of that I prefer to keep my mouth shut. I hate repeating one sentence 10 times with different tones. I feel like moron when people don't understand me :( And I admire those who learned to speak fluently within a year. :) GOod Job :D

BUT, BUT, BUT.  In 10 days my boy G will turn 10. brr. I wan't him to skip 10 and turn 11 instead.    Those who have been following our story know that  Regina passed away 1 day after her 10th birthday AND past 2 weeks, have been like a big nightmare.  I have been dreaming about her a lot,  nice dreams, scary dreams, night horrors.  I have been waking up sweaty  because I had a dream I KILLED HER. I had a dream she drowned in big sea of water. I dreamed that  she was back and to stay. It has been 2 weeks of very confusing dreams.
At first I did not understand why, but I am sure, it is something to do with Gabriel turning 10.  AND WE LOVE GABRIEL , WE LOVE THAT HE IS TURNING 10. I just want PAST  to stop hunting me and  i want to enjoy TODAY, not feeling guilty enjoying it. I hope I make some sense.

Also in 10 days will be last day of 4th grade for Gabriel and this year has been full on challenges.  It has been academically very hard year for Gabriel. His behavior has been "NOT GOOD" according to teachers, and great according to our friends. I know GABRIEL is little different and he has been doing lot of testing when it comes to her teacher, but to be honest,  we are not used to THIS KIND OF TEACHER who can't handle kids, and blames it on kid, that KID makes her look bad in front of the class???    I guess Gabriel has been bulling his new teacher this year. WOW.
He did confess that he has not been easy on teacher  because it is just boring in his class.  and very slow. OK.
Being a parent is H A R D.

Gabriel is excited to go to his new school in hangzhou. HE LOOKS forward to it. Our new apartment is in walking distance from school and we love it :D I WILL NOT MISS OUT in school activities :D

And last-- We are moving to hangzhou in june 24th.    Can't wait to look out of our new apartment window and enjoy beautiful river view ( NOT LOOKING forward to our  bitch, witch landlord lady though).  hihi

 AND AFTER ALL THAT. We will  travel to USA :D CALI June 29th to 6th ( we are leaving to DC on early morning on 6th of July).  So if you wanna see us let me know @ dianatan78@gmail.com   We have NOTHING planned for 4th of July yet, -- I HAD PLANS, but my CALI BFF is going away with her hubby :( . SO IF you have something exciting going on and have a bedroom floor for 3 of us let us know . We really want to celebrate 4th of july with   people we know :)

We spend 2 days in DC and then 2 days in New York.   Gabriel wants to see the white house and Lady of Liberty :D

Talk to you soon